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Mar 11, 2019

The 2019 MBA World Tour Comes To Lancaster!

MBA HEADQUARTERS - NEW YORK, NY

For it's third World Championship, the MBA and it's miscreants wil be heading to sunny (?) Lancaster, Pennsylvania. This small, amish city 70 miles west of Philadelphia has a small town feel, which will be perfect for our members who can't tie their own shoes. "We look forward to finally having our chance to host the best-on-best chapter competition." Chapter leader Mike McDonnell said in a formal release. "While they're here, they can take a look at only two Chapters' Cups that have been awarded."

A very sore spot for the Staten Island and Boston chapters, Lancaster has won the last two trophy's awarded in the chapter's competition. They are the only chapter so far, though, to have not produced a solo World Champion with Geoff Celis and Mark Capone winning for Staten Island and Boston, respectively. "We plan on changing that." McDonnell added.

The league plans on arriving Friday afternoon and will parttake in a yet unknown Friday night plan. Maybe some friendly (HA!) bowling, maybe some dive bar hanging, etc. We will keep you posted on those plans.

We're on our way!

Here is the itinerary for Saturday April 27th, 2019:

12:30pm - Lunch at American Bar & Grill. We will loosen up and begin firing threats that you won't come through with before we start bowling.

3:00pm - The 2019 MBA World Tour will take place at Rocky Springs Entertainment Center. We will participate in the usual MBA Chapters' Cup, Gutter Gauntlet, Mediocre Melee, and MBA World Tour Championship

Afterwards - We will probably head back to American Bar and Grill or to another bar if the mood strikes. NO PUN INTENDED.

The world champion usually gets a champioship ring, but this year we will be adding a trophy as well. Look for it as we get closer to the event. Also, the "gift bag" will be announced as we get closer as well.

Click HERE for more details and to sign up for the World Tour!

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Jan 10, 2019

News: MBA Will Represent at PRB 2019 and We Want YOU to Join Us!

MBA HEADQUARTERS – NEW YORK, NY

First off, Happy New Year from everybody at the MBA (both of us.)

While we head into the dog months of winter, we wanted to let everybody know that the league will once again be representing at Punk Rock Bowling in Las Vegas in May 2019, Memorial Day weekend! That’s right. We will be sending the very best people to put us in a position to contend. By contend, we mean physically being there to throw the bowling ball when required to. Nothing more. “We can’t wait to wander Sin City and not remember anything the next day.” Said co-league commissioner Hillary Scott.

Mike McDonnell trying to make name changes

The MBA will be sending the same foursome to represent the league itself: Dan Derwin, Hillary Scott, Lancaster chapter leader Mike McDonnell, and regular person bowler Kris Mork. Last year, we didnt place high enough to play in the playoff tournament on the second day. Since the PRB tournament hosts many teams, and sign ups are still open, we are extending an invitation for OTHER league members to join us out there! That’s right, form your own team and name it whatever you want, but throw “MBA” somewhere in the name so “we” can have multiple chances to win / fail. Here is the bowling schedule for the weekend:

Bowler Check-in Friday, May 24 – Team check-in is Friday from 4-7pm at the merch booth in the Golden Nugget. That will be the only place to pick up your team’s posters. They will not be available Saturday at shuttle departure or at the bowling centers on Saturday.

Saturday, May 25, 12pm-2:30pm – Teams compete for the highest 3 game total!Shuttle Buses leave at 11am (outside Carson Tower)

Sunday, May 26, 11:30am – 3pm Playoff Round – Top 60 teams battle from day 1, battle for the title of Punk Rock Bowling Champion 2018!Shuttle buses leave at 10:30am (outside Carson Tower)

2019 PRB TEAM REGISTRATION

Also, one of the biggest draws of the weekend is the music festival and nightly club shows. You can take a look at the headliners below.

 

We know this won’t be a cheap trip, but we are giving you enough of a head start to consider it! Here is a link to check out everything you need to know. If you have any questions of course, please email us.

If you can’t make it, we hope you will at least be able to make it to the MBA World Tour in Lancaster for the last weekend in April. More info will be available regarding that in the near future.

 

We never found our way out of the lobby

In the meantime, good luck to everyone in their respective Caucasian Open events this month!

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Dec 4, 2018

NEWS: League Introduces The Turkey Club

-  MBA HEADQUARTERS – NEW YORK, NY

The Mediocre Bowling Association is proud to announce they have added a new award to it’s ever growing trophy display case. While the standards for the league remain low, the league figured its members would like to aim slightly high to be a part of an exclusive club:

The Turkey Club

“The Turkey Club enamel pin will be awarded to the player who, you guessed it, throws a turkey at least once in their MBA career starting with the 2018-19 season.” League commissioner Dan Derwin said while he was shopping at Target with his brother Dave Derwin. “Professional leagues celebrate the 300 Club, but nobody cares about that. What’s better than throwing a turkey in front of your chapter?”

The Boston chapter of the MBA started their own tradition of chugging Twisted Teas if the player threw a turkey. While this sounds, um, delicious I guess, an award they can remember will be much more fitting. “Nothing will stop the Twisted tradition. Not even this.” Chapter leader Maria Capone said in a league email.

 We know some of you are thinking “This will be a breeze. Give me my fucking enamel pin!” While some will be thinking “Maybe if I pay attention when I throw, I could be a part of this elite club of individuals!”

The commissioner was also asked if bowlers who threw a turkey prior to this season will receive a pin. He was pretty straight forward with his answer. “No. New season, new award. Let them eat an actual turkey club.” He said.

 

Supposedly, a turkey club sandwich

A pin will be mailed directly to the individual winner who’s thrown a turkey so far this season in either October, November, or December after the Great Divide later this month. Then starting in January, they will be mailed monthly at the conclusion of each event.

See you around, you turkeys!

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Jul 23, 2018

2018-19 MBA Season Sign Ups are OPEN, You Beach Bums!

- MBA HEADQUARTERS - NEW YORK, NY

It's the middle of summer, so you know what that means. 2018-19 MBA SEASON SIGN UPS ARE HERE! We know what you're thinking: "Do I really want to do this again?" The answer is "I think so!"

Take a break from the beach or pool, dry off, and think about Fall and Winter for a few minutes!

After a successful 2017-18 campaign that culminated in the MBA World Tour in Boston and a not so successful showing at the 2018 Punk Rock Bowling tournament in Las Vegas, the league is ready to "bring it" as the kids say, for the new season. We will have a brand new website in the works and it should be done by the start of the regular season in October. We will have a few other tricks up our sleeve as well to be announced later. In the meanwhile, take your rightful place in MBA lore and take to the lanes in 2018-19!

*CHAPTER SCHEDULES WILL BE POSTED ON THEIR RESPECTIVE PAGES IN THE COMING DAYS*

CLICK HERE TO JOIN AN EXISTING CHAPTER

CLICK HERE TO START A CHAPTER IN YOUR TOWN!

CommentsCategories MBA Staten Island, NY

May 24, 2018

MBA Represents at 2018 Punk Rock Bowling in Las Vegas THIS WEEKEND!

MBA HEADQUARTERS – NEW YORK, NY

 The Mediocre Bowling Association in conjunction with Punk Rock Bowling are proud to announce that the league will be represented in the 2018 tournament in Las Vegas, Nevada this Memorial Day weekend!

 

With much internal consideration, it was determined that league CEOs Dan Derwin and Hillary Scott will lead the way. Filling out the four “man” roster will be Staten Island chapter member Kris Mork as well as Lancaster chapter leader Mike McDonnell. “After flying to Boston for the MBA World Tour last month and winning my SECOND Chapter Cup, I feel like it was the league’s duty to recruit me.” McDonnell said while at the airport waiting for his gold jet that will never come.

 

Peddling our wares at PRB Asbury Park 2016

The MBA will be one of 150 teams representing at Punk Rock Bowling. At the conclusion of Saturday’s tournament, 60 teams will move on to bowl on Sunday in the playoffs. “We expect nothing less than an appearance on Sunday.” Scott said while eating Bugles on her front porch. In two other PRB appearances at the 2016 and 2017 tournaments, the MBA finished 3rd and 5th respectively.

Make sure to follow our journey LIVE on our official Instgram account as well as the Lancaster chapter’s account as we take you through everything from bowling, to drinking, to recruiting new chapters, to sleeping. 24 hours of pure excitement!

 

Hopefully not us ^

Wish us mother fuckers luck!

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Mar 6, 2018

The 2018 MBA World Tour in Boston Opens Registration!

MBA HEADQUARTERS - NEW YORK, NY

It’s that time of year again. On Saturday April 28th 2018, the MBA World Tour is heading up to Boston for its second year. We hope that you can join us as we eat clam chowder, listen to the Dropkick Murphys, and put on a shimming display of mediocre bowling for all of New England to see.

Every day in Boston

"Since we announced the World Tournament last season, we have become particularly fond of it." league CEO Dan Derwin said in a written statment that was typed in a cursive font. "We here at the MBA are looking forward to the 'end all, be all' of bowling mediocrity."

There are a couple of things lined up for the league in Boston, such as taking in a Red Sox game at Fenway Park followed by some partying in the city on Friday night. A League Lunch on Saturday preceeding the brutal tournament is also on the docket.

Will we be able to find it?

"We are excited to be the first expansion chapter to host this fine tournament." Boston chapter leader Maria Crooker told the press. "We expect nothing but the worst from our Yankee guests."

Will Lancaster repeat as Chapter Cup champions? Will somebody else win the World Tournament itself? Well, I guess that also depends on whether Staten Island member Geoff Celis makes the trip at all. COME FIND OUT! We hope to see as many people there as possible. REGISTRATION ENDS ON APRIL 5TH

CLICK HERE to see all the details on the weekend as well as payment and registration!

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Jun 18, 2017

News: God Damn It; 2017-18 Season Sign Ups are Underway / Schedules Released

- MBA HEADQUARTERS - NEW YORK, NY

Sorry to cut your summer short, but the Mediocre Bowling Association in conjunction with the Boston and Lancaster chapters are proud to announce that the 2017-18 season sign ups are available to prospective members. Also, the chapter schedules have been released for all to groan over.

"We can tell you off the bat that just about all the events will be played on a Sunday." league CEO Dan Derwin said while drinking an adult beverage. "We can also guarantee that the MBA World Tour will probably be on a Saturday." he added. Take a quick look at the three chapter's schedules below. Also of note, the MBA World Tour will be played this year in lovely Boston Massachusetts on Saturday April 21st, 2018. We hope to see as many of you bastards up there as possible.

Tell your friends and your wives. The Staten Island chapter hit their cap last year so dont wait to sign up. If you would like to start your OWN chapter in a particular area, CLICK HERE, or just drop us an email  if you're lazy at thembastinks@gmail.com - You may now resume your summer vacation!

STATEN ISLAND (All events to be played at Rabs Country Lanes at 4pm)

SUNDAY SEPT. 10TH, 2017 - MBA CHAPTER INVITATIONAL

SUNDAY OCT. 15TH, 2017 - SWEETNESS OPEN

SUNDAY NOV. 19TH, 2017 - KNOCK’EM BACK MASTERS

SUNDAY DEC. 17TH, 2017 - GREAT DIVIDE

SUNDAY JAN. 14TH, 2018 - CAUCASIAN OPEN

SUNDAY FEB. 18TH, 2018 - T.D.K. MEMORIAL TOURNAMENT

SUNDAY MAR. 18TH, 2018 - ROY L. MUNSON CHAPTER CHAMPIONSHIP, MEDIOCRE CUP FINALS, HONORABLE MUNSON WILD CARD

BOSTON (All events to be played at Brunswick Bowl at 12pm)

SEP. 10TH, 2017 - MBA CHAPTER INVITATIONAL

OCT. 22ND, 2017 - SWEETNESS OPEN

NOV. 19TH, 2017 - KNOCK’EM BACK MASTERS

DEC. 10TH, 2017 - GREAT DIVIDE

JAN. 14TH, 2018 - CAUCASIAN OPEN

FEB. 11TH, 2018 - T.D.K. MEMORIAL TOURNAMENT

MAR. 11TH, 2018 - ROY L. MUNSON CHAPTER CHAMPIONSHIP, MEDIOCRE CUP FINALS, HONORABLE MUNSON WILD CARD

LANCASTER (All events to be played at Rocky Springs Lanes)

SUNDAY SEPT. 10TH, 2017 - MBA CHAPTER INVITATIONAL

SUNDAY OCT. 22ND, 2017 - SWEETNESS OPEN

SUNDAY NOV. 19TH, 2017 - KNOCK’EM BACK MASTERS

SUNDAY DEC. 17TH, 2017 - GREAT DIVIDE

SUNDAY JAN. 14TH, 2018 - CAUCASIAN OPEN

SUNDAY FEB. 18TH, 2018 - T.D.K. MEMORIAL TOURNAMENT

SUNDAY MAR. 18TH, 2018 - ROY L. MUNSON CHAPTER CHAMPIONSHIP, MEDIOCRE CUP FINALS, HONORABLE MUNSON WILD CARD

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Apr 30, 2017

Wrap Up: Celis Climbs MBA World Tour Mountain and Lives

MBA HEADQUARTERS – NEW YORK, NY

What do you get when you get 36 of the worlds most mediocre bowlers under one roof? The answer is 36 of the worlds most mediocre bowlers under one roof.

The first annual MBA World Tour had multiple representatives from the Boston, Lancaster, and Staten Island chapters. The event took place at Staten Island’s home base, Rabs Country Lanes. “I’ve heard of Manhattan, but what the hell is Hylan Blvd?” asked a very confused Beth Hubbard. After many wrong directions were punched into the GPS, things got underway.

 The gang is all here

The first event was the MBA Chapter’s Cup. All 3 chapters would go nose to nose to nose to see who would take home the chalice with the highest two game average. Staten Island had the numbers with a few people leading the way. Jimmy Ciccone averaged 162 while Dan Derwin, Geoff Celis, Sean Kuhl had averages in the mid 150’s.The hometown group finished with a combined average of 127.8. Boston had 2017 Munson Cup Champion Mark Capone and Maureen Dunton reach averages of 156 and 153 respectively. Boston would finish with a combined average of 128.2. Lancaster, with only 4 people in tow, would do just enough to take the chalice back to Amish Country. Chapter leader Mike McDonnell would average a 156 with Louie Valencia finishing with a 129. That would be enough as they would squeak by Boston with a 128.8 average. “I can’t believe we still won even though I threw a 96 in my first game!” said Lancaster’s 2017 Munson Cup champion Jen Trachok. There was no word on what they would do with the cup, but league sources say we can expect to see it on display at American Bar & Grill.

 

The Chapter's Cup is headed back to Lancaster. Whatever

With these results in hand, the players who finished in the top 8 were headed to the MBA World Tour bracket. The bottom 8 were headed to the Gutter Gauntlet. The rest were thrown violently into the Mediocre Melee.

 

Joe and his Bowl

The Gutter Gauntlet had 7 women and 3 men playing one game. Joe Seluga finished 3rd from the bottom in the Chapter’s Cup standings, but he would not be denied in his final competition of the 2016-17 season. With a 149, he took home “The Bowl”. “Of course he won he’s a guy” said Melissa Roche. She should be proud, though. With 13 gutters in one game, she really was the DEFINITITION of gutter. She would break Shari Gessin’s playoff record of lowest score with 25. It is also the lowest score EVER thrown breaking Kathleen Houston’s 26 thrown at the 2014 Sweetness Open.

 

The total amount we had to give the front desk at the start of the tournament. THIS IS NO ACCIDENT

The Mediocre Melee had the middle 20 people playing one game as well. Kris Mork, who was a Munson Cup finalist for the Staten Island chapter, bowled a 171 and took home the inaugural AtlASS. “Well, there is no trophy more fitting for myself.” Mork would say to the press afterwards. Joabi Leflar bowled a 150 for the closest to score to Mork’s.

 

Kris Mork politely showing off his trophy with Lancaster competitor Joabi Leflar

Finally, the MBA World Tour Championship bracket was set. Ciccone vs Rogers, Celis vs Dunton, Capone vs Derwin, McDonnell vs Kuhl. By the end of round 1, and In some kind of cosmic rationale, the left lane completely eliminated the right lane. “Actually, it just seems like the top 4 seeds took care of business and snuffed out the bottom 4 seeds.” Ciccone would say in a complete moment of clarity.

The Boston chapter was nice enough to bring donuts that we could already buy here.

Round 2 had a one close game where handicaps were once again brought to a debate. Mark Capone would have beat Mike McDonnell 160 to 157 if McDonnell didn’t have a 9 handicap. “Those are the rules of the road.” He would say as the two embraced in a handshake. Boston’s chapter leader Maria Crooker would later say that Capone complained during the entire drive back home.

Staten Island's George Karyczak thrown into the fire bowling with the Boston chapter

With both McDonnell and Celis advancing to the final, it was time to crown the absolute greatest mediocre bowler on the planet. McDonell finished off a strong day with a 161 in his 5th and final game of the tournament, but Celis would not be denied. Throwing the greatest game of his life, a 217 would seal the deal. His 213 scratch score shatters retired Staten Island chapter member Justin Krstinic’s playoff record of 188 in the 2014 Roy L. Munson Chapter Championship and ties Mike Dillon’s 213 all time highest score ever thrown from the 2013 Great Divide. “I’m at a loss for words.” Celis would tell the press during his post tournament pizza binge. “Using my dad’s ball and bowling 5 strong games is the greatest way to close out a great season.

 

He does

What a way to close out our 5th anniversary season. Thanks to everyone for coming to this grand event, and especially thanks to you all for hanging out with us each Fall through Spring to make this league the greatest bowling league of all time. Enjoy the summer and we’ll see you in September!

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Feb 1, 2017

League Officially Announces Its Largest Competition Yet: The MBA World Tour

MBA HEADQUARTERS – NEW YORK, NY

 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: The Mediocre Bowling Association in conjunction with its three (drunken) functioning chapters are proud to announce a major conspiring of bad bowling competitions on the world stage. On Saturday April 22nd, 2017, Earth Day, all members of the Association are welcome to participate in the league’s first MBA World Tour at Rab’s Country Lanes in Staten Island, NY.

 “We always said that once we had more than one chapter, we would have a competition that would pit them against each other.” MBA CEO Dan Derwin told the press while inside of Fortune Cookie’s Restaurant. “It took 5 seasons for it to come to fruition, but here we are.”

 Moments before the announcement

While chapters will be celebrating their best respective players in the March playoffs, the league felt they could do one better and have players from all over finally meet and defeat the bowlers they’ve only read about online.

 

The debut of the completely finished and beautiful MBA World Tour logo

While specifics on the exact competitions while be announced shortly, here is what the league is ready to announce today:

 

  • THE DATE AND LOCATION – Pretty obvious. We figure the more notice, the better. Especially for those who’d be traveling out of town for it.

 

  • THIS EVENT WILL BE A BONUS TO THE REGULAR SEASON – While your membership covers the 1 preseason event, 5 regular season events, and the playoffs in March, the MBA World Tour will be separate.

 

  • THIS EVENT WILL CHANGE LOCATIONS YEARLY – We figured to have the first MBA World Tour in Staten Island where the original chapter has operated for 5 seasons. I’m sure there will be some bumps and the league would prefer to have it at their home base. We’re looking at either Boston or Lancaster for next year (maybe other chapters beyond.)

 

  • SEPARATE SIGN UPS AND NEW TROPHIES – We’d love to do this using the current cache of billions in the MBA trust account, but we blew it in Vegas and at Pugs. We will have a sign up form with a reasonable fee to ensure that everyone involved has the best time possible.

 

Keep an eye out in this space for the rest of the details including sign ups, competition themes, trophies, before and after parties, and hotel room blocks (if traveling from out of town or if you are just tired of living with your parents.)

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Dec 9, 2016

MBA Online Store Updates! Order By Sunday Night To Receive Before Christmas!

MBA HEADQUARTERS - NEW YORK, NY

The Mediocre Bowling Association put aside it's usual "Humbug" mentality and decided to give back to the "people" of earth. The league has announced today that their online store has been updated to feature ALL THREE chapter shirt designs as well as TWO color variations of the MBA league logo. The Staten Island chapter even has a 5th anniversary variation of their usual blue on orange color scheme.  "We figured if you were desperate to buy something for your loved one this holiday season, you can fool them into thinking you bought them a real gift." CEO Dan Derwin told the press via Skype while he microwaved Ramen Noodles like a savage.

Take a look at the image below for a quick browse of what you can pick up:


NOTE: If you place your order by THIS SUNDAY NIGHT (December 11th, 2016 by 11:59pm EST) - You will have your order in hand to wrap and shove into an unfortunate loved one's stocking before "Santa" makes an appearance. Swing by the store HERE!

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