Jul 17, 2019
MBA HEADQUARTERS - NEW YORK, NY
So here we are, on a 96 degree day in New York City, thinking about bowling starting back up in the crisp September air. After a successful season & MBA World tour, we've had a brief hiatus since being eliminated in the playoffs at the 2019 Punk Rock Bowling Tournament this past Memorial Day weekend in Las Vegas, Commissioner Dan Derwin has emerged from the heinous sun to sit down at his laptop to unlock the key that is the 2019-2020 MBA season sign up page.
"We don't have a pool, so I'd rather be inside anyway." he said while drinking a Slurpee. "I can't wait till it's hockey sea--BOWLING season this Fall."
Anyway, I'll make this brief and let you get back to your poolside leisures. Use this link, or go to the JOIN tab at the top of this page to sign up for the new year. More winners, losers, trophies, and the usual bull shit you've come to expect from your favorite bowling league. Keep an eye out on your respective chapter's Instagram / mailing list for the new schedules that are being released soon.
Jun 4, 2019
MULTIPLE NUGGETS – LAS VEGAS, NV
A league commissioner’s work is never done. Just minutes after landing back in New York City from Punk Rock Bowling in Vegas, Dan Derwin was asked to write a clever article that specifically covered the first ever MGA/MBA Golf & Bowling Shootout Spectacular. “I figured that after spending my entire red eye flight writing it, I could lean on the dependable / capable Mediocre Golf Association El Presidente’ Jon Morley to at least upload it to his website.” Derwin said. “He promised that he would.”
Part of the promise was kept. Something was uploaded, but most of it was manipulated to put the MBA in an unfavorable light. Let’s take this one step at a time: Here is a link to the original article in question.
1) HE TOOK CREDIT FOR THE ARTICLE – As you can see in the provided picture, this article was written by Dan Derwin. Clear as day and cannot be debated.
2) THE SILVER NUGGET WAS PARADISE – From the food crumbs embedded in the carpet, to the homeless man kind enough to sell headphones to patrons entering the front doors, the Silver Nugget was everything we expected from a bowling experience in Las Vegas. My guess would be that the MGA players have lofty expectations. We’re sorry that we weren’t outside surrounded by Kentucky Blue Grass.
Jon can't believe the MBA won in their own back yard
Managed to snap a picture as our Lyft Limo left the Silver Nugger going 146MPH
3) WE DIDN’T KNOW OUR SCORES WOULD COUNT AT TOP GOLF – This might sound like sour grapes, but we honestly didn’t know the statistician was working that day. The MBA crew had heard about the delicious tacos that were served on location and were egged on to join the MGA crew for “a few shots.” Usually we golf better, anyway. The tacos made us tired.
4) JOABI HIT THE CEILING ON PURPOSE: I know the GIF provided in the article was meant to poke fun at the MBA’s collective golfing skills, but this is just pure misrepresentation. Morley & co took it upon themselves to edit out the large spider he was not only trying to kill, but did. Unedited photo provided.
File Photo #452927
5) TRUTH: THIS WAS THE 1ST ANNUAL EVENT AND WAS FUN – This whole summarization doesn’t have to be negative. Even though we lost (apparently,) a good time was had by all in attendance. It was pretty unnecessary to rub our noses in it outside of the Top Golf facility. Simple handshakes would have sufficed.
West coast street toughs giving our MBA the business.
After all was said and done, Jon Morley, Dan Derwin, and Hillary Scott met at Santos Guisados Tacos & Beer to close out the summit. They discussed the weekend’s competition and exchanged ideas for the leagues going forward. While we had no official trophy for this event, we learned that the MBA Lancaster chapter’s Joabi Leflar “acquired” a can of bowling shoe spray from the Silver Nugget. Before we had a chance to procure it from him, he said that it saturated his leg during the smuggling operation. He ended up leaving it in the Golden Nugget hotel elevator. Oh well.
One of the biggest lessons we learned going forward: DON’T TRUST ANYONE.
May 23, 2019
MBA HEADQUARTERS – NEW YORK, NY
The MBA will once again represent at Punk Rock Bowling this weekend in Las Vegas. Including the two editions in Asbury Park, this will be our fourth year taking part. Staten Island chapter’s Dan Derwin, Hillary Scott, Kris Mork, and Lancaster’s Joabi Leflar were hand picked to represent for 2019. “It used to be a lot more convenient when it was an hour away, but this league will do what it has to do and our players will begrudgingly play under the bright lights of sultry sin.” CEO Hillary Scott said while packing her bathing suit for the hotel pool.
Mike will be with us in spirit. His reflection, 2018
Our first two years in Asbury Park, we finished in third and fifth place, respectively. Last year, we didn’t even make the Top 60! Apparently, because we didn’t have an established handicap, we were at a disadvantage. “We tried to tell them that we were all handicapped in some fashion, but they were talking in strict bowling terms.” Mork said to the press before boarding his private jet.
We arent too far from the team Edward James Bowlmos!
We are hoping to change the ending this time around. If you’re in town and want to root us on, we will be competing at Sam’s Town on Lane 15 on Saturday May 25th@ 12pm PST.
The MBA and the MGA (Mediocre Golf Association) are going to be having their first official summit at the Golden Nugget. An inspiration for the bowling league, the MGA’s El Presidente Jon Morley will be there as an ambassador. As per a reliable source, these two power houses will not only be meeting to discuss league business, but will engage in sport as well. “I heard that they are going compete in a tournament of not only bowling, but Top Golf.” Said a man who showed up to speak to the press in a dark parking garage holding a briefcase. “I don’t know what the prize will be or what of the bragging rights, but I heard that it’s a go.”
Doesn't seem like this will be too friendly
Maybe they come out the other side with an official merger? Gowling? Bolf? Time will tell.
Follow our posts / stories on Instagram (@mediocrebowlingassociation) for any and all updates on our business trip!
May 16, 2019
On a picturesque day in the Red Rose City, the 2019 MBA World Tour was ready to kick off its third year. It was a great turn out all around, but bringing in the heavy numbers were the Staten Island chapter with 18. Our Lancaster came through with 9 and Boston brought up the rear with 7. The Boston chapter was praised for their lengthy 6 hour car ride south, but Lancaster was universally panned for only having 9 when its members lived within a very non lengthy ten minute car ride. “We have a small chapter and some people couldn’t make it.” Chapter leader Mike McDonnell said over breakfast. “Our Munson Cup champion was also nowhere to be found.” He said in reference to rookie Devyn Lazer. “Who cares because we are going to win the Chapters’ Cup
Would they back it up on the lanes?
Some liquid encouragment for the Lancaster chapter
At Rocky Springs Lanes, the home base of their chapter, the Chapters’ Cup kicked off in a wonderful private wing of the alley with it’s own dedicated 8 lanes (and most importantly, its own bartender.) Nobody could honestly tell how the two games that pitted all three chapters against each other was progressing until the scores were tallied. In the end, to utter bemusement, Boston narrowly bested Staten Island 126.7 to 126.5. Not only that, but 2x defending champions Lancaster finished third with a 125.7, just ONE pin under first place.
“Fuck this.” Chapter leaders Dan & Mike said, respectively.
Boston unhorses Lancaster after winning the first two Chapters' Cups, FINALLY
The top 8 players on the Chapters’ Cup leaderboard would play a bracket style championship to see who would win the MBA World Tour. The bottom 8 players would play a 1 game Gutter Gauntlet. The 18 schleps in the middle would play in the 1 game Mediocre Melee.
Catherine Picozzi didn’t really have too much competition, and secured her victory, and The Bowl, with a 155 AVG! “Look Dad, I won!” she gleamed on her Instagram.
A girl with a bowl
To everyone’s dissatisfaction, perennial winner of things Kevin Rogers would take home his first Atlass trophy for finishing first in the Mediocre Melee. “Right next to my other 50 bowling trophies it goes.” He said after being forced by Boston’s Erica Fullerton to chug a Smirnoff Ice after throwing a turkey.
The World Tour bracket had the 1st vs 8th seed, 2nd vs 7th, ah you get the picture. To keep it simple, the 5th through 8th seeds eliminated the 1st through 4th!
Mark Capone lost to Joabi Leflar
Tony Chiappi lost to Nick Arico
Krystal Stanley lost to Kevin Cotchen
Kris Mork lost to (2019 Staten Island Munson Cup champion) Dan Derwin
Joabi approves of his advancement
In the second round,
Nick Arico lost to Kevin Cotchen
(2019 Staten Island Munson Cup champion) Dan Derwin lost to Joabi Leflar
The Final Four
As a side note, Staten Island’s Nick Arico, who finished his first MBA season with a meager 99.6 AVG, brought his newly found talents to Pennsylvania for this tournament by making it to the Final Four. Good shit!
Joe thinks Nick wants to give him five, but he just wants to pop that balloon
For the championship, we had two of the Lancaster’s most loveable facing off in their own backyard. Kevin Cotchen was in this position last year in Boston and came up short. “Bending down to put the ring on Mark Capone was not something I wanted to do again.” Kevin said “Even though Joabi isn’t Mark.” He added.
He wouldn’t be denied.
With a final score that in true mediocre fashion the league has misplaced, he would beat Joabi’s score of 144.
Thanks to everybody for showing up this year! Its our favorite event of the MBA calendar year simply because it puts all of these animals under one roof. Unless we add another chapter for 2019-20, we’ll see you in Staten Island for the World Tour next year! Spread the word and let’s get recruiting.
Mar 11, 2019
MBA HEADQUARTERS - NEW YORK, NY
For it's third World Championship, the MBA and it's miscreants wil be heading to sunny (?) Lancaster, Pennsylvania. This small, amish city 70 miles west of Philadelphia has a small town feel, which will be perfect for our members who can't tie their own shoes. "We look forward to finally having our chance to host the best-on-best chapter competition." Chapter leader Mike McDonnell said in a formal release. "While they're here, they can take a look at only two Chapters' Cups that have been awarded."
A very sore spot for the Staten Island and Boston chapters, Lancaster has won the last two trophy's awarded in the chapter's competition. They are the only chapter so far, though, to have not produced a solo World Champion with Geoff Celis and Mark Capone winning for Staten Island and Boston, respectively. "We plan on changing that." McDonnell added.
The league plans on arriving Friday afternoon and will parttake in a yet unknown Friday night plan. Maybe some friendly (HA!) bowling, maybe some dive bar hanging, etc. We will keep you posted on those plans.
We're on our way!
Here is the itinerary for Saturday April 27th, 2019:
12:30pm - Lunch at American Bar & Grill. We will loosen up and begin firing threats that you won't come through with before we start bowling.
3:00pm - The 2019 MBA World Tour will take place at Rocky Springs Entertainment Center. We will participate in the usual MBA Chapters' Cup, Gutter Gauntlet, Mediocre Melee, and MBA World Tour Championship
Afterwards - We will probably head back to American Bar and Grill or to another bar if the mood strikes. NO PUN INTENDED.
The world champion usually gets a champioship ring, but this year we will be adding a trophy as well. Look for it as we get closer to the event. Also, the "gift bag" will be announced as we get closer as well.
Click HERE for more details and to sign up for the World Tour!
Jan 10, 2019
MBA HEADQUARTERS – NEW YORK, NY
First off, Happy New Year from everybody at the MBA (both of us.)
While we head into the dog months of winter, we wanted to let everybody know that the league will once again be representing at Punk Rock Bowling in Las Vegas in May 2019, Memorial Day weekend! That’s right. We will be sending the very best people to put us in a position to contend. By contend, we mean physically being there to throw the bowling ball when required to. Nothing more. “We can’t wait to wander Sin City and not remember anything the next day.” Said co-league commissioner Hillary Scott.
Mike McDonnell trying to make name changes
The MBA will be sending the same foursome to represent the league itself: Dan Derwin, Hillary Scott, Lancaster chapter leader Mike McDonnell, and regular person bowler Kris Mork. Last year, we didnt place high enough to play in the playoff tournament on the second day. Since the PRB tournament hosts many teams, and sign ups are still open, we are extending an invitation for OTHER league members to join us out there! That’s right, form your own team and name it whatever you want, but throw “MBA” somewhere in the name so “we” can have multiple chances to win / fail. Here is the bowling schedule for the weekend:
Bowler Check-in Friday, May 24 – Team check-in is Friday from 4-7pm at the merch booth in the Golden Nugget. That will be the only place to pick up your team’s posters. They will not be available Saturday at shuttle departure or at the bowling centers on Saturday.
Saturday, May 25, 12pm-2:30pm – Teams compete for the highest 3 game total!Shuttle Buses leave at 11am (outside Carson Tower)
Sunday, May 26, 11:30am – 3pm Playoff Round – Top 60 teams battle from day 1, battle for the title of Punk Rock Bowling Champion 2018!Shuttle buses leave at 10:30am (outside Carson Tower)
Also, one of the biggest draws of the weekend is the music festival and nightly club shows. You can take a look at the headliners below.
We know this won’t be a cheap trip, but we are giving you enough of a head start to consider it! Here is a link to check out everything you need to know. If you have any questions of course, please email us.
If you can’t make it, we hope you will at least be able to make it to the MBA World Tour in Lancaster for the last weekend in April. More info will be available regarding that in the near future.
We never found our way out of the lobby
In the meantime, good luck to everyone in their respective Caucasian Open events this month!
Dec 4, 2018
- MBA HEADQUARTERS – NEW YORK, NY
The Mediocre Bowling Association is proud to announce they have added a new award to it’s ever growing trophy display case. While the standards for the league remain low, the league figured its members would like to aim slightly high to be a part of an exclusive club:
The Turkey Club
“The Turkey Club enamel pin will be awarded to the player who, you guessed it, throws a turkey at least once in their MBA career starting with the 2018-19 season.” League commissioner Dan Derwin said while he was shopping at Target with his brother Dave Derwin. “Professional leagues celebrate the 300 Club, but nobody cares about that. What’s better than throwing a turkey in front of your chapter?”
The Boston chapter of the MBA started their own tradition of chugging Twisted Teas if the player threw a turkey. While this sounds, um, delicious I guess, an award they can remember will be much more fitting. “Nothing will stop the Twisted tradition. Not even this.” Chapter leader Maria Capone said in a league email.
We know some of you are thinking “This will be a breeze. Give me my fucking enamel pin!” While some will be thinking “Maybe if I pay attention when I throw, I could be a part of this elite club of individuals!”
The commissioner was also asked if bowlers who threw a turkey prior to this season will receive a pin. He was pretty straight forward with his answer. “No. New season, new award. Let them eat an actual turkey club.” He said.
Supposedly, a turkey club sandwich
A pin will be mailed directly to the individual winner who’s thrown a turkey so far this season in either October, November, or December after the Great Divide later this month. Then starting in January, they will be mailed monthly at the conclusion of each event.
See you around, you turkeys!
Jul 23, 2018
- MBA HEADQUARTERS - NEW YORK, NY
It's the middle of summer, so you know what that means. 2018-19 MBA SEASON SIGN UPS ARE HERE! We know what you're thinking: "Do I really want to do this again?" The answer is "I think so!"
Take a break from the beach or pool, dry off, and think about Fall and Winter for a few minutes!
After a successful 2017-18 campaign that culminated in the MBA World Tour in Boston and a not so successful showing at the 2018 Punk Rock Bowling tournament in Las Vegas, the league is ready to "bring it" as the kids say, for the new season. We will have a brand new website in the works and it should be done by the start of the regular season in October. We will have a few other tricks up our sleeve as well to be announced later. In the meanwhile, take your rightful place in MBA lore and take to the lanes in 2018-19!
*CHAPTER SCHEDULES WILL BE POSTED ON THEIR RESPECTIVE PAGES IN THE COMING DAYS*
May 24, 2018
MBA HEADQUARTERS – NEW YORK, NY
The Mediocre Bowling Association in conjunction with Punk Rock Bowling are proud to announce that the league will be represented in the 2018 tournament in Las Vegas, Nevada this Memorial Day weekend!
With much internal consideration, it was determined that league CEOs Dan Derwin and Hillary Scott will lead the way. Filling out the four “man” roster will be Staten Island chapter member Kris Mork as well as Lancaster chapter leader Mike McDonnell. “After flying to Boston for the MBA World Tour last month and winning my SECOND Chapter Cup, I feel like it was the league’s duty to recruit me.” McDonnell said while at the airport waiting for his gold jet that will never come.
Peddling our wares at PRB Asbury Park 2016
The MBA will be one of 150 teams representing at Punk Rock Bowling. At the conclusion of Saturday’s tournament, 60 teams will move on to bowl on Sunday in the playoffs. “We expect nothing less than an appearance on Sunday.” Scott said while eating Bugles on her front porch. In two other PRB appearances at the 2016 and 2017 tournaments, the MBA finished 3rd and 5th respectively.
Make sure to follow our journey LIVE on our official Instgram account as well as the Lancaster chapter’s account as we take you through everything from bowling, to drinking, to recruiting new chapters, to sleeping. 24 hours of pure excitement!
Hopefully not us ^
Wish us mother fuckers luck!
Mar 6, 2018
MBA HEADQUARTERS - NEW YORK, NY
It’s that time of year again. On Saturday April 28th 2018, the MBA World Tour is heading up to Boston for its second year. We hope that you can join us as we eat clam chowder, listen to the Dropkick Murphys, and put on a shimming display of mediocre bowling for all of New England to see.
Every day in Boston
"Since we announced the World Tournament last season, we have become particularly fond of it." league CEO Dan Derwin said in a written statment that was typed in a cursive font. "We here at the MBA are looking forward to the 'end all, be all' of bowling mediocrity."
There are a couple of things lined up for the league in Boston, such as taking in a Red Sox game at Fenway Park followed by some partying in the city on Friday night. A League Lunch on Saturday preceeding the brutal tournament is also on the docket.
Will we be able to find it?
"We are excited to be the first expansion chapter to host this fine tournament." Boston chapter leader Maria Crooker told the press. "We expect nothing but the worst from our Yankee guests."
Will Lancaster repeat as Chapter Cup champions? Will somebody else win the World Tournament itself? Well, I guess that also depends on whether Staten Island member Geoff Celis makes the trip at all. COME FIND OUT! We hope to see as many people there as possible. REGISTRATION ENDS ON APRIL 5TH