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Oct 23, 2012

Wrap-Up: The Sweetness Open, Staten Island 2012

Staten Island, New York

Brian Galvin, Member #21, shows the members of the Staten Island Chapter his flawless form at the Chapter's first event at Showplace Bowling Alley in Travis, which took place last Sunday afternoon

Well, that went over pretty well.

The inaugural event of the Mediocre Bowling Association, The Sweetness Open, went over surprisingly smooth - with only 6 of the 34 Staten Island members absent. Spread over 5 lanes and 3 hours, the 3 games of the Open went off without a hitch. Many pitchers of beer were bought and drunk and many sources claim to have seen a french fry or two in the vicinity, although this has yet to be proven.

As the games progressed, half-interested crowds began to gather around a few stand-out performers.

Margaret Salzillo celebrates knocking down a pin...just one

Dave Derwin was the honored member to throw the Chapter's first strike to much clapping and cheering from on-lookers. After throwing a second strike in the following frame, however, the mood on the lanes quickly soured when he was serenaded with boos. "Time for him to take that shit elsewhere" said Todd Currier, Staten Island Member #19. "Maybe he can start a "Slightly Above Mediocre" league".

Leigh Janicki shows off the Chapter T-Shirts debuted at Sunday's event

One lane over, Mike Dillon, who got stronger as the night wore on (119, 130, 147 - winning 2nd place overall) was the victim of vicious rumors. Midway through the second game it started to circulate that Mike was drinking HEAVILY to explain his sudden bowling finesse. When confronted, Mr. Dillon explained that he couldn't drink due to being on medication (steroids), and insisted his ability to get better was just his "natural God given talent, thank you very much".

Keith Parascandola sends his Chapter a message, no one is quite sure what to make of it

George Karyczak cleans his balls religiously 

Finally, there was Michael Cruz aka The Nature Boy Champion, who walked away with the very first 1st place ribbon of the season. With a whopping final average of 135, Mr. Cruz, an author by day and bartender by neccessity, left others wondering if he might just be too good to be in this league. Only time will tell whether this display was a freak event or a result of intense training on weekday mornings. "We don't want any ringers in this league. They won't be tolerated" said Mark Eadicicco, fellow member, semi-respected Republican and comic book peddler. He went on to say "Fuck that guy, I read his book and I couldn't get past the 3rd page".

Chapter Leader, Dan Derwin presents winner Mike Cruz with the 1st place ribbon at The Sweetness Open's after-party at Mother Pugs Saloon on Forest Avenue

KC Pugs arrived in style to reconcile with the Chapter Leaders regarding the scheduling of the first event. "There are no hard feelings, we squashed it over a bottle of Jameson while watching 'Ghost' on TBS the other night" 

Chapter Leaders Dan Derwin and Hillary Scott were pleased with the whole event. "Everyone bowled and drank excessively. Overall I'd say this event was just 'OK'" said Ms. Scott. "We'll be back here in a month, and I really don't expect much improvement" Mr. Derwin was overheard saying to Showplace management.

Other notables for the evening included:

Heather O'Shea winning the Sweetness Open's "Gutter Trash Award" for, you guessed it, throwing the most gutter balls (20). "I'd like the thank my parents" Heather O' Shea was quoted as saying from the Award Ceremony at Mother Pugs Saloon. The rest of her acceptance speech was promptly forgotten by all who attended, as they went back to their drinks.

Jessica Galvin threw the LOWEST game of the night with a 44 in Game 2. Although there is no award for that, she deserves one. We'll see what the MBA plans to do in the future for feats like this.

Lane 26 was considered a "disgrace" by even the worst bowlers. Eric Orstein, one of the perpetrators, described the 3 games that took place there as "A bunch of assholes throwing nothing but 80's." He later apologized, but then immediately retracted it. He refused to retract the retraction.

Pat Felitti, representing Lane 26, went on record as saying "We're just here for the beer..."

Mike Dillon and Mike Cruz (no relation) were tied with the "Most Strikes" for the evening at 7 strikes each. 

Mother pugs offered drink specials as if these people really needed more alcohol

The winners: Mike Dillon, Mike Cruz, Leigh Janicki and Heath O'Shea pose for their close-up