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Dec 2, 2012

(A Late) Wrap-Up: Greenpoint came and conquered at the 2012 Knock 'Em Back Masters

Staten Island, New York

The Knock ‘Em Back Masters, starting only 35 minutes late was full of fun, fist-fights and, finally, fury as bowlers vied for the coveted “Big Le-brew-ski Trophy” (AKA the Golden Colt).

Staten Island Chapter Leader, Dan Akroyd, congratulates Mike Calascibetta on winning the "Golden Colt" at the 2012 Knock 'Em Back Masters

But it was Greenpoint representative, Mike Calascibetta, MBA member #23, who snuck into first place after bowling a 126 and 150 (138 total event average) and got to take home the spoils. "I'm making space for this beauty the minute I get home" said Mr. Calascibetta in a post-game interview, while wiping the beer & tears from his eyes. "I'll make sure I give this trophy “seat-belt treatment” for the ride on the shitty BQE".

The Golden Colt gets the "seat-belt" treatment on its way back to Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Mike Cruz and Jon Marotte exchange friendly hellos before competing at the event. So focused were they on  each other, neither noticed Mike " Fugghedaboutit" Calscibetta sneaking into first place.

A surprising twist in what was thought to be a sure victory night for Jon Marotte, who a few lanes down was dazzling (and infuriating) the crowd with his first game score of 161. "This was my plan all along, to embarrass people" Mr. Marotte said at the bar grabbing pitchers between games. We doubt his plan was to follow up that impressive effort with a 104 in game two. "It wasn't."

Mike Dillon & Leigh Janicki, 2nd & 3rd place respectively in the first event have dropped a bit in the leader board standings, albeit not so much as the Sweetness champion.

Ah how the tides have turned.

"I talked so much shit coming into this event, that I'm actually nervous about backing it all up" an unknown source quoted Sweetness champion Mike “Jet Power” Cruz as saying in the parking lot prior to pin drop.

This early into the MBA's first season, we've learned that it isn't wise to just assume that you're going to walk into an event and own it. This is what happened at the Knock 'Em Back Masters to Mr. Cruz. After an impressive exhibition at the Sweetness Open last month, he the spent the time between events referring to himself as "The Champ" and his downtime at Showplace practicing his form. The phrase "kiss my hand" was also mentioned several times.


The REAL "turkey" of the event ended up being Michael Cruz

When Cruz started off the 1st game of the Masters with a turkey, other members of the chapter became disgusted. "Here we go again…" moaned Shari Gessin, “I can’t take another month of this.”

The Kid ended up with the scores: 135 & 70


No amount of beer was able to keep KC Pugs awake, after the event he donned his elmo costume and promptly headed home

"Tired" KC Pugs, after missing the first event controversially, bowled a respectable 108 average. "We're not giving out the award at my at my bar afterwards, it's time for me to go to sleep" he said while slurring into his beer cup.

KC threw 6 strikes for the night, tying for the lead with Calascibetta & Marotte.


Heather O'Shea and Keith Parascandola make it clear, they are here to bowl fast and then get the fuck out of here so they can watch wrestling

The event’s late start was noticed by those members who are, also, wrestling fans. With the WWE Pay-Per-View event “Survivor Series”, starting at 8 O’clock Keith Parascandola and Todd Currier weren’t taking any chances on missing its start. They started a lane specifically reserved for those who planned to attend the viewing and relentlessly hounded each other to keep up the pace. “Hurry up and bowl, we’ve got be out of here in 20 minutes” Mr. Parascandola could be heard saying to members on his lane. “I’m not kidding, I want to be reclined in my Bob’s Furniture Lay-Z-Boy no later than 7:40.” Mr. Currier stated in a pre-game interview.

Newcomer Jen Grünwald impressed her fellow league members with scores of 54 and 51 (for an event average of 53). More importantly, she took home the Gutter Trash Award with 19 gutters. "I drove here from Queens, so I expected SOMETHING" Jen told league officials via telephone interview afterwards. "I think I'm going to put it in my fish tank."

Staten Island Chapter Leader, Flannel Man, congratulates Jen Grünwald on winning the second official Gutter Trash Award Trophy

The reigning GTA winner, Heather O'Shea, couldn't be reached for comment but sources claim she “was not happy”.

Other notables for the evening included:

*Ryan Petersen, relative of Wolfgang Petersen, bowled the same exact average in the first two events (93). "Wow, cool" he was quoted as saying to his girlfriend Maggi Weaver as she looked for a “fun pulse” somewhere in his body.

*Mike Cruz's season average has dropped 11 points to 124 after his debilitating game 2. Cruz was spotted by several other members walking back from the lane with his head down serenaded by chants of "You Fucked Up!"

 Mark Eadiccico and Joe Frontirre discuss comics and cuddling after losing the event 

*Justin Krstinic led the night in spares with 8  

*Members Sara Frank and Sharon Derwin have yet to attend an event. When they were contacted and asked why, Ms. Frank responded “Frankly, I have more important things to do” MBA officials have warned them that their lack of attendance could result in being disqualified from contention for the Munson Cup.

*Days after the event, Elizabeth Gaede went on record via text message as “hating the MBA”. After trying to force Mike Calascibetta to do the dishes, she was told “Keep in mind, you’re speaking to a champion”.