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Dec 20, 2012

Wrap Up: Boys dominate the 2012 Great Divide in Staten Island

-Staten Island, New York

Boys will be boys, and boys will be girls.

The Staten Island Chapter gentlemen pose with the 2012 Great Divide Majestic Cup behind the championship banner. Also included in this photo is a very realistic, non-photoshopped Dave Derwin with a second trophy.

Staten Island's 2012 Great Divide tournament took place on a rainy December Sunday at the now infamous Showplace Bowling & Entertainment. The Christmas time event, which should be full of holiday cheer, was anything but. The 17 boys in attendance outnumbered the girls. So in order to even things out, 2 guys were sent to the other side to offer their services. "No problem" said Todd Currier after the event. "As long as Keith (Parascandola) comes with me so we can leave together afterwards". Mr. Currier was of course referring to the WWE Tables, Ladders, & Chairs PPV, which they planned to watch on the same couch.

Ms. Parascandola adjusts her supple breasts at Showplace Bowling Alley.

Although 2 games were played on this night, only the second one counted. Several players complained about doing better in the practice game and worried about the carryover going against their favor. Some of the players on the other hand, didn't mind. "I'm not worried" said member #20 Jessica Galvin via Satellite. "50's are my game, and I'm good enough where I won't deviate too far from the norm."

Up for grabs was The Majestic Cup, a trophy with the class and grace that only a bunch of people who "just want to bowl" deserve. Although there would be no particular player who would get to keep this award, getting their picture with it and knowing that it would end up on their MBA resume was enough to keep the players hungry. "When I first saw it brought into the alley encased with a cardboard box, I knew this was going to be a special night" Jennifer Manger stated minutes before the event began. "The ball on top is facing the wrong way" Mark Eadicicco also remarked while unraveling his scarf. "Regardless, I'll be giving this a big ol' kiss by nights end."

Mark wasn't kidding

Sara Frank was the only player on the girls team to get things started with a strike. On the other end, George Karyczak did the same. He would also end up being the leader in strikes on either side with 3. "All around, nobody put up any power numbers in this event" said chapter leader Hillary Scott referring to Strikes & Spares. "Maybe it was the rain? Maybe it was being depressed about Christmas? Stop asking me and take a fucking walk". So I did.

The girls giving the guys team the respect they deserve after winning The Majestic Cup

The boys would end up winning by an overwhelming score: 1480 to 1156. Even after sending 2 guys to the other side to wear bows and cute cat hats, the boys side still had 1 additional person. A situation that didn't sit well with Leigh Janicki. "It's bullshit" she said via Western Union received by the MBA league offices. "Either somebody can't count, or they don't look at Sean Kuhl to be as feminine as I do."

The MBA CEO's share a laugh over the days events as Jennifer Grunwald looks on happily

Keith Parascandola would end up having the highest score of the night, on either side , with a 134. After raising his season average to a 115, he promised the best was yet to come. "I never said that" he said immediately. "Don't put words in my mouth". 

When all was said and done, the guys took their place behind the 2012 Championship Banner and posed with the Majestic Cup. After a few photos were taken, the trophy was passed around and kissed by several winners. "I want to keep it, but I understand that I can't" said Justin Krstinic elbowing some of his cohorts out of his way. "Is anyone looking? My car isn't too far away" he also said right before Stephen Licursi took it for a victory lap.

How sweet it is.

Eric Ornstein breaks the current MBA record for "Shortest Champion"

Other notables for the evening included:

*Mike Dillon and Keith Parascandola were tied for the evening with the most spares (5). This would be the lowest amount of total spares to date in the 3 events thus far. UPDATE: Upon further investigation, it would seem that this would be because The Great Divide is a 1 game event. This would be one less game than the 3 and 2 games played in their previous competitions, respectively.

*Jon Marotte, after bowling a 106 this past Sunday, had his average drop from a 133 to a 124 which sent him down a few spots from the top of the leader board. "My family would be heartbroken" he said in the parking lot afterwards. "It's only been 3 games, but I still look like an asshole."

"Brown bag" Currier ignores house rules and pours the tall boy she brought in. Explaining later that it was just "liquid courage".

* Heather O'Shea, who would not be outdone again, claimed her 2nd Gutter Trash Award with 8 gutter balls for the evening. When Chapter Leader Dan Derwin went to go present the filthy lady in bronze to Ms. O'Shea, she was nowhere to be found. "She was apparently forced to leave immediately after the proceedings" Mr. Derwin said. "Carl Gallagher told me that he over heard Todd Currier threatening her with the C.M. Punk "Go To Sleep" finisher if she didn't leave in haste. All phone calls to her residence thus far have not been returned.

*Dave Derwin was besides himself regarding his poor performance this evening. After bowling a 59, he claims that it was a "hangover" that derailed his concentration. "I've bowled a 130 in this league, there isn't much I can't handle." he claimed the following morning via text. MBA officials are still consorting amongst themselves as to whether David will be an automatic "boy" when this even comes back around in December of 2013.

*A few members spoke out about having this be an AVERAGE based event instead of total points. This scenario would eliminate the need to send players to the other side. "I liked having them over here, but at the same time we were embaressed" said Margaret Salzillo. "If we're going to lose, we don't want to share it with the other gender." The suggestions on this matter will be reviewed in the off season.

"This trophy goes out to my parents in Florida, who I haven't visited in almost 3 years" - Ryan Petersen

* Jennifer Manger pulled off the rarest of feats at The Great Divide. She is the only member so far this season to get zeros across the board in Strikes, Spares, & Gutters. Although no award will be given out, it has be discussed amongst anylists that it will be a record that lasts for a long time.

*Member #3, Pasquale G. Felitti, was officially AWOL (Absent With Out Leave) for the Great Divide event. Anybody with a Verizon phone was unable to receive / send text messages in the building while Mr. Felitti neglected to give anybody in the league prior notice. The MBA has decided to fine him for his actions. According to league rule 23.4A, Mr. Felitti will forfeit $0.0034 of his salary, which will go towards the Player's Association Emergency Assistance Beer Fund. Pasquale couldn't even be reached for comment.