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Feb 22, 2013

Face to Face: An intimate sit down with Todd Currier of M.E.S.S.

MBA Headquarters - New York, NY

Cue Benny Hill music. "That's not funny." - Dan Derwin

After a scene at last month’s TDK Memorial, in which SI Chapter Member #19 Todd Currier slapped Chapter Leader Dan Derwin to announce protest against the Mediocre Bowling Association’s February event, “The Caucasian Open” controversy has been brewing all over the MBA’s Facebook page the past month. Mr. Currier publically denounced the Open online, saying that its use of the term “Caucasian” is a “hateful abomination” and an example of segregated mediocre bowling that he did not wish to be part of. Mud-slinging, name-calling and terrible music quotes have since been hurled back and forth between Currier and Derwin regarding the event and M.E.S.S.'s plans to protest.

Currier has taken the matter public, becoming the CEO of a new organization “M.E.S.S. – Mediocre Equality Standing Strong” and gathering other non-Caucasians interested in protesting at this Sunday’s event – bowling on an adjacent lane. “We’ll be there…separate but EQUAL” M.E.S.S. member “Brown” Sara Frank was quoted at M.E.S.S.’s first group meeting, which took place at the local watering-hole, Mother Pug’s Saloon.

A movement is born.

We invited Currier to MBA HQ to sit down and answer some questions about the protest and what he hopes M.E.S.S. can accomplish for the future of Mediocre Bowling.

Mediocre Bowling Association: Why take a stand against the Caucasian Open?

Todd Currier: It's just BS…why limit one of the events to only those of Caucasian decent? I spoke to "Dan" the Chapter Leader about this and he spun some yarn about the villain from Iron Man and some hipster movie drink...I wasn't buying it. Then on their official website they have a picture of me enjoying an adult beverage and caption it "Brown Bag Currier" as if "Bag Currier" wasn't sufficient. That was the last straw. You would think "Dan" would be more sensitive about these things especially after all that The Man did to him and Eddie Murphy.

MBA: What can we look forward to seeing during M.E.S.S.’s first event?

TC: All kinds of people having fun, drinking and bowling. No divisions, no borders, no countries, above us only sky...

MBA: We heard there are some pretty fancy prizes for the winner on your lane this Sunday, whatcha giving out?

TC: Well at first I was gonna give out a Golden John Denver CD but how can a guy from New Mexico be named Denver?? I think he’s just mocking us. So I decided that the winner should get Silver, not Gold…as in a bottle of Patron Silver. The lowest score will get a Dixie Chicks CD for obvious reasons.

MBA: SI Chapter Leader Dan Derwin has gone on record saying that, as far as he's concerned, if you're there you're in contention for his trophy, "The White Russian" which will be awarded Sunday to the lane with the highest average. If your lane wins, what do you plan to do with it? 

TC: Write M.E.S.S. in sharpie and pose for pictures with it, ala NWO era Hulk Hogan.

Although caucasian, Hulk Hogan channels the spirit of M.E.S.S.

MBA: Assuming the MBA doesn't get their shit together, is this an event you will continue to protest in future seasons? 

TC: Well our main problem was that this particular event was marketed exclusively to Caucasians. I'm sure if "Dan" tries to have a "Scientology Open" or a "Straight's Only Tournament" we will be there again to pick up the mantle and protest.

MBA: There's a rumor that one of the SI Chapter Leaders has controversially joined your cause. Care to comment?

TC: I'm not really much for rumors so I haven't given it much thought, but I have heard through the grapevine that this person has a thing for both Sangria & "Sassy Brown Men". It's really a non-issue to me as to WHY a person joins our cause - the important thing is the show of support. 

MBA: What do you hope people will take away from your protest? 

TC: A spirit of unity through M.E.S.S.’s event and the realization that drunken bowling is so much better listening to Mariachi El Bronx than Justin Bieber.

MBA: What message would you like to send to future chapters with members who would like to demonstrate their rights to be treated equally?

TC: In the words of great poet Phil Fuemana - "Ooh baby, it's making me crazy. Every time I look's in my face."

MBA Commisioner and SI Chapter Leader, Dan Derwin, issued a statement in response to Currier’s interview in hopes to squash the matter:

“On the subject of Todd Currier's statement on behalf of S.A.S.S., I will take the high road while simultaneously toeing the line of hostility.

Most of what was said is complete horseshit, with the exception of his opinion on “The Dixie Chicks”. The Mediocre Bowling Association represents a special kind of freedom. It represents bowling with a potpourri of personalities in your community, and bowling very poorly. While the namesake of this tournament pertains to our universal love of Vodka and Mid-Century World Domination, “The Caucasian Open” represents our "open-ness" more than it describes what M.E.S.S. has insinuated. Plus, how could I be racist if I know several lyrics from Evelyn "Champagne" King's 'SHAME'? Oh wait, now I get it...whatever let them protest."

This Sunday’s event, whatever its name, is sure to be an interesting one. Come watch the spectacle in person at the lovely Showplace Entertainment in Travis at 5pm EST. 

There really aren't THAT many words