Apr 1, 2013
Wrap Up: Calascibetta Wins Staten Island's Munson Cup; Takes it to Brooklyn
Staten Island, New York
(A week later) Breaking News: The Roy L. Munson Cup, in the Mediocre Bowling Association’s inaugural season, has found a temporary home in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.
Michael Calascibetta defeated regular season champion Michael Dillon in the Chapter Championship last week to take home the coveted cup. There were sweat rings under their arms and tears in their eyes, but in the end all that was left was a hearty handshake between the competitors. A lot led up to this glorious moment, so let's recap:
The day started off with some season highlight trophies being handed out. "The Helen Dillon Memorial Trophy," for the most strikes in a Chapter's regular season, was awarded to Michael Dillon (with 20 strikes). The award happened to be named after his own grandmother, who would have been banned from the MBA under rule 432.A, in which a bowler "can't be great".
Jennifer Manger was, also, honored with the Most Mediocre Bowler "Trophy". This award, a bowling pin custom painted by tattoo artist Matt Grosso, of the future Lancaster, PA Chapter, was awarded to her for her dominance in the middle of the pack. "I'm so happy I won both this AND the 'Average' Average Award this year," Ms. Manger told us afterwards. "I'm only 9 awards away from being able to just bowl from home."
After all that self-congratulation was over, The Honorable Munson Wild Card round began, which pit the non-playoff participants against each other in a 1 game Elimination round. The winner would claim the Honorable Munson trophy and the real prize: the 8th seed in the playoff bracket, to go up against 1st seed Dillon. Of the 14 bowlers involved, 3 emerged throughout the intense game as true contenders. Mike Cruz showed promise in the beginning, but would begin to "shit the bed" towards the end. "I purposely finished way sooner than Dan Derwin and Pat Felitti, so I would know my fate just by watching them." Mr Cruz told the MBA via email. "It was like watching a west coast playoff game."
Derwin and Felitti were neck and neck the entire game, but it would be Pasquale who would take the victory by a mere 10 points (144 to 134). "This is the greatest thing I've ever accomplished." Felitti blushed as he was presented the Honorable Munson Trophy. "This is going on proud display at my own Tricky Dick's Bar & Lounge." "If I didn't have stitches on my bowling arm from getting in a street fight with a bunch of children high on PCP, I would have run him into the ground." a dejected Chapter Leader Dan Derwin told the media in a post game interview. "Whatever, I can always just ban him next season."
Now, with the HM game in the rearview and the Wild Card spot filled, the playoff bracket could get underway. The eliminated members continued bowling in adjacent lanes becoming more unruly in their disappointment while the first round of competition heated up. For the most part, the higher seeds dominated the lower seeds with the exception of the 4/5 match up of Justin Krstinic and Sean Kuhl. Sean narrowly defeated Krstinic 121 to 104. "It was a well fought game, and I'm just happy to be moving on." Kuhl said. Krstinic, who was in parking lot crying into a large Wendy's fry, declined comment.
The second round had a little bit more drama to it. Dillon and Kuhl were pretty much neck and neck until the end, with Dillon dominating the last 2 frames. Kuhl would NOT throw his phone into a tray of french fries, instead opting to give Dillon an aggressive middle finger. On the other lane, Leigh Janicki, facing Mike Calascibetta, was as nervous as anyone could ever be in a mediocre bowling tournament and was rolling along at a blistering pace. That is until the 6th frame, when lining up to knock down 1 pin for the spare the lane reset, voiding the rest of the frame. Although the math would be figured out after a 5 minute delay, this was enough to "rattle the cage" and sent her into a tailspin. "I know it was all figured out, but it already ruined my concentration." a frazzled Leigh was quoted. “Let’s just say, that $5 I slipped to the high school kid at the front desk was the best money I ever spent,” Calscibetta was overheard saying to his fiancé on the phone after the match.
The 2013 Finals were finally matched up: Mike Dillon vs Mike Calascibetta and the tension was thick. Members gathered around, abandoning their games to holler and heckle the final players. Dillon, who relied on the fact that he selected Calascibetta as a teammate in the Caucasian Open, didn't think he'd try his best to defeat a former Captain. "It's just common courtesy." Dillon claimed. It was another match that would come down to the wire. With just about everybody in Chapter watching, these two would sweat, scream, and curse until the last throw. But it would be Mike Calascibetta that would take home the glory. "THREE fucking trophies this season." Calascibetta proudly proclaimed. "It was a tough one to swallow, but the better man won." Dillon told the press. "Losing to one of the 'Brothers Night' isn't easy for anyone to handle...I'll get him next year."
Other notables for the evening included:
*Jenny Manger would end up narrowly end up defeating Ryan Petersen for the Most Mediocre Bowler award by .3 points on the average. "Fuck." is what Petersen would text Chapter Leader Hillary Scott from 5 feet away. Next season, MBA Commissioners announced, this award will be handed out at the end of the final regular season event instead of the "Average" Average Trophy. "It's nice that I'll have the only one." Jenny proclaimed. "I still haven't had a cup of coffee from it yet."
*Heather O'Shea would end up winning her 3rd Gutter Trash Award, but not before quickly leaving after her elimination from the Honorable Munson Wild Card. Sources claim there was some sort of "Family Party" that was more important. League officials are currently investigating and she will be duly fined if there was any kind of treason happening, such as rushing off to participate in another League. She will be given the award at her earliest convenience.
*After what can only be described as “a very successful” first season, The MBA would like to thank everybody that signed up this year and had a great time with us. Although the offseason is long, we are looking to add an event to September which will be announced officially later on. Also, as more chapters open (we hope!) this summer, talks of a future April event have begun where all chapters will meet up in a neutral location to battle it out in a Worldwide Championship of Mediocre Bowling. More on this rumor as it unfolds. Regardless, we will all meet up this summer for some extra-curricular bowling and drinking. Looking forward to everyone coming back, and some new faces, in the 2013-2014 season!
*Todd Currier, who didn't attend the MBA’s final event, was rumored to have fallen asleep watching the Hobbit on his Bob-O-Pedic recliner. Preliminary reports show that his legs were indeed twitching the whole time.