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Sep 22, 2013

Wrap-Up: Banner Night and Invitational Weekend Kick-Off 2013-14 SI Season

Staten Island, NY

On a cool summer night last Saturday at the local watering hole known as Mother Pugs Saloon, the Staten Island Chapter paid tribute to a man who left it all out on the lanes last March (but kept his pants on).

Michael Calascibetta after defeating Mike Dillon in the final round of the Roy L. Munson Chapter Championship, 162 to 126, won the Munson Cup and proudly displayed it at his home until a few weeks ago when it was collected by MBA officials to be engraved with his name. The coveted cup, and several other league trophies were proudly displayed in an attempt to lure eager young mediocre bowlers from all over the borough into joining the league.

Mike Dillon reluctantly watched from the crowd as his foe was honored. "Fuck that guy!" he said in between bites of baked ziti as Chapter leader Dan Derwin introduced Calascibetta to the crowd eagerly awaiting his commemorative banner unveiling.

 

Calascibetta was introduced to a smattering of boos and hisses. Finally, he himself took to the microphone to make a short acceptance speech he had prepared. "Thanks to Dan and Hillary for putting all of this together. Also to Leigh, who was having a nervous breakdown, sorry she couldn't be here tonight. To Mike Dillon, go fuck yourself." At this point, Glenn Frey's "You Belong To the City” could be heard over the PA to the sight of Dan Derwin standing on a ladder, shakily removing a satin cover from the ceiling.

 

Underneath was the "2012-13 Munson Cup Champion banner with Calascibetta's name on it. "It will be hang here until the end of time, or until a drunk league member rips it off to urinate on it," Staten Island Chapter member Ryan Petersen was overheard stating. "How do you say his last name?" was also muttered sources say.

After the unimpressive banner ceremony, Joe Demaso and Kerbivore took to the stage for some musical tribute.

But the banner unveiling was not the only tradition, some might say curse, started that weekend. Sunday the league met for its first ever pre-season event, The MBA Chapter Invitational. Several league members, including some of its newest recruits, met to shake hands, shake of the cobwebs, and show off their balls (and new bowling balls).

 

A handful of lucky devils qualified for a trophy at the Invitational, The Punctual Pumpkin Award. The newest MBA event is strictly for members who last year attended every regular season event. "I usually call out the MBA for being classist, but since I qualified for this tournament, I'm in complete agreement with them," said Todd Currier via his post on BrownBowlersBoard.mx.

The bowlers assembled around the lanes, which were situated next to a group of blind bowlers. Sources have told us that nobody in attendance could tell the difference between the two groups.

 

In the two games played, the quality of play hadn't changed much from last season. "80's, 90's, 140's, 50's are what I've been told to expect." new league member Bari Reiter told us via email. Sean Kuhl, a qualified Invitational participant, bowled a 184 and 164 to take the inaugural trophy. "I've been waiting a long time for a piece of MBA hardware," he said afterwards to a smattering of boos and pumpkin shaped head insults. "Hopefully this is sign of things to come for the upcoming season." We'll see if this is true starting with The Sweetness Open on October 20th.

 

Other notables for the evening included:

*For the first time in league history, the bar at Showplace was closed upon the Staten Island Chapter's arrival. Angry members were discussing brown bag options, relocation, suicide, et al. "I'm out of here. I'm going to my own bar," said KC Pugs. With a little bit of convincing, somebody who'd like to remain anonymous, we'll call her Melissa Roche, grabbed the TV remote from behind the bar and turned on the NY Giants game. The manager then came in and opened up shop for the handful of thirsty bowling lords. "I take back almost everything I said about this place," said Heather Paras. League officials have been fully assured that the bar will never be closed on game day again.

*The bowling alley has integrated new technology to the lanes. You can now have your picture taken at the screen and have it added to virtual puppets who dance on the score screens (ala Jib Jab). "This is the kind of innovation that the world has been waiting for on bended knee," shouted David Derwin as he watched his character get its face blown off by Mike Dillon’s cowboy character. This revolution will guarantee poorer scores from the best to the worst bowlers.

*Michael Calascibetta, who was "too good" to attend the pre-season event the night after his honorary banner unveiling, was busy buying a bigger apartment where he plans on filling the extra space with more MBA hardware. "It's the only reason I'm moving," he told MBA news. His banner at Mother Pugs Saloon has not yet been set ablaze as of press time.

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