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Dec 20, 2013

Wrap-Up: A Truly "Great Divide" Leads to Victory (Again) for the Boys

Staten Island, New York - December 20, 2013

The second December for the Great Divide tournament yielded the same results as the first. The gentlemen came out victorious at the Mediocre Bowling Association’s Staten Island chapter event and will look forward to a prosperous holiday season, strutting into the 2014 new year with “great” pride.

The cold December day started like any other event day: drinking, football blaring in the back round of the bar, and the day’s trophy, The Majestic Cup, on display. Heralded in MBA circles, ironically, as “the least majestic trophy in the league” it is the hardware that represents the better (bowling) sex, male or female.  “We know that there is a Styrofoam ball spray painted gold on top of the Majestic Cup,” said chapter leader Dan Derwin between sips of warm Bud Light. “The money the league put into the banner balances everything out.” 

The guys and girls of the league were divided amongst the lanes to bowl 2 games each and have their total scores added up, and divided by the amount of players per side (11 guys vs 13 girls).

Mike Dillon, a force in the 2012-13 season, had gotten off to an unimpressive start this year. Dillon took Game 1 of the Great Divide with a 218 score, therefore putting the guys team on his proverbial shoulders. “It’s definitely the highest score in my MBA career.” He said. “Fuck off…” was the only quote we could get from him later in the night as he stormed away from Lane 20 with the score “130” for Game 2.

On the girls side, veteran Leigh Janicki and rookie Jess Winder were keeping their team afloat for most of the night, while Knock’ Em Back Masters sensations Maggi Sue Weaver and Sara Frank put in terrible performances that would forever (this season) haunt their chance at touching the Majestic Cup. “I’m completely ashamed.” Ms. Frank told the MBA press via hologram. “I had no inspiration from my soul mate Mark Eadicicco, who is somewhere gallivanting with comic books.”


The competition ended up being closer than expected, but in the end, the guys took the trophy for the second year in a row with a team average of 134.5. “I finally won something after being in the league for 3 months!” quipped John Esposito as took off his bowling shoes in Mister Rogers fashion. “I know I don’t keep the trophy, but just being in a photo with the boys behind that banner made my Christmas dream come true.” a teary-eyed Tom Connors told the MBA press as he walked to his car.

With next month’s Caucasian Open, the sexes will not be divided, but united. We just hope that the bad blood can settle between now and January 19th.

Other notables for the evening include:

*After a lengthy absence to start the 2013-14 season, Shari Gessin finally returned to the Staten Island Chapter and dominated play. Well, not dominated (67 & 89), but she returned none the less. “It’s great to be back and melt into the leaderboard with a lukewarm performance.” Gessin said. “It was also great to get right back into the swing of things and curse at today’s champions.”

*The gutter trash award was probably the most contested trophy of the Great Divide. Newcomer Bari Reiter put up an impressive 10 gutter ball performance. Only throwing 5 gutters at October’s Sweetness Open, Reiter felt that she had more to give. “I practiced a little bit in the last two months, and I couldn’t be happier.” She said. “Actually I’d be happier if 10 gutters were enough to win today.” That honor would be for Mary Hanna, but she left before the trophy could be presented to her. “She thinks she’s better than everyone else…or possible worse?” Melissa Leigh told the press after she accepted the award on Hanna’s behest. Now a 2x Gutter Trash Award recipient, Hanna would text league officials later that night saying  “This baby is going right next to the one I won at least year’s Caucasian Open, and that Dixie Chick’s CD….which isn’t bad actually.”

*In exciting news Jessica and Brian Galvin missed the Great Divide so they could welcome the littlest Mediocre Bowling Association member to the world, their daughter: Nora Mae! Jenny Manger, Nora's aunt, was at the event, representing for the family. When asked if she should be at the hospital, she responded, "We'll she's not due till almost midnight, so I can squeeze in a few games, go watch the wrestling match, get some chinese food, grab some groceries and give myself a facial before heading over." Everyone is doing great and Jess and Brian are eager to start teaching Nora the ways of bowling poorly. "We're going to start her off early, no bumpers - get her to really embrace those gutters," Brian was overheard saying in the hospital waiting room. Congrats to the whole family!

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