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Sep 26, 2014

Wrap Up: Krstinic Has His Night / Another Kuhl Wins Invitational


Another season is upon us.

Last Saturday night at Mother Pugs Saloon, Justin Krstinic was given his night of praise. His Staten Island Chapter 2014 Munson Cup Championship banner was raised to the ceiling, next to 2013 champ Mike Calascibetta. As about 20-25 fellow chapter members along with a few strangers watched him fumble through his thank you speech, many were overheard saying they were happy it was all over. “If I have to hear another thing about Justin being a champion, I’m going to shit my own pants.” Keith Paras said while filling out Quick Pick tickets. “I’m just going to set that banner on fire when he leaves anyway.” Said two time Munson Cup final loser Mike Dillon.

 A few new members signed up this season, while current members ate, drank, and listened to the sounds of Matt Wilson and The Wrecks until they were too obliterated to stand. A great time had by all.

 The night didn’t end without controversy. KC Pugs, who was in charge of measuring the previous banner as reference for the new one, did so while drunk resulting in Krstinic’s banner being a ½ foot larger than that of the previous champ, Calascibetta. Unaware of the situation, Calascibetta had recorded a video to be played before the unveiling in his absence praising the efforts of Krstinic. While the Calscibetta camp couldn’t be reached by press time, experts say that his banner being smaller will not sit right with last year’s champ and that either a lawsuit might be pending, or there will be at a “Cat Fight” at the Sweetness Open in October.

 The next day, the annual Chapter Invitational and Training Camp was held at Showplace Bowling Alley. Breaking a league record, the chapter members were on the lanes not long after 4pm. Officials were said to have been pleased with this news and encourage it to happen “more often.”


"Party Pat" snuggles up to Ryan Petersen to discuss their succeeding years as Honorable Munson Champs.

While most members old and new partook in a stress free practice, 10 players were called upon to exercise their competitive spirit in the Chapter Invitational. These members, who attended all 5 regular season events last season (excluding the Training Camp & Roy L. Munson Chapter Championship,) bowled a 2 game average tournament to see who would walk away with the Punctual Pumpkin Award.

 League officials, who choose to remain anonymous, were quoted as saying that “this was the worst display of mediocre bowling that they have ever seen.” The bartender, who had no problem being on record, said “Why did I even open today?” Chapter leader Dan Derwin scored a 92 in his first game. Dodging reporters on the way to his car, he would only say “It’s Hillary’s fault.” Sean Kuhl, who was last year’s winner of this tournament, bowled a 115 in his first game.

David and Daniel Derwin demonstrate to the new members not just their bowling skills, but the family's incredible artistic ability.

 After the first game, it was pretty apparent that a woman was going to win the Pumpkin after impressive first games by most of them. Maggi Weaver and Sara Frank finished their first game with a 138 & 129, respectively. Hillary Scott would also finish strong with a 148.

Hens be cluckin' over some bowlin'

 Leading the day with a 134 & 158, 2 strikes and 10 spares, it would be Jessica Kuhl that would walk away as the 2014 champ. “I finally won a trophy!” “Attendance DOES count kids” she told the world via Instagram. Ryan Petersen, who tied Justin Krstinic for most strikes (5,) looked for anybody who would listen after the conclusion of the event. “I don’t care that she won and I don’t care that I lost, but the fact that Sean is happy that the trophy is coming home with him anyway makes me want to punch a small child.” He said with tears welling in his eyes. “Yeah? You need TWO pumpkins?”

I wish we could have gotten a photo where at least SOMEBODY was excited. Jessica Kuhl with the Punctual Pumpkin Award!

Practice is over, and now the real season begins on October 19th. Welcome back!


- Other notables for the evening include:

 * This season, the Mediocre Bowling Association added a Rookie of the Year trophy into it’s ever growing plethora of awards and accolades. We are told that there are a few more tricks up their sleeve this season, but for now we wait. Geoff Celis was the winner of the aforementioned ROTY baby bottle & bowling ball. “I love it and can’t wait to win it next year!” said an obviously senile Celis.


2014 Rookie of the Year Geoff Celis will accept any / all money for his bottle and ball.

*Word on the street is that the league has new t-shirts being pressed as of press time (LOLz.) The shirt will be a dark red or maroon color with the main league logo in a dark yellow paint. They will be on sale to anyone and everyone by the Sweetness Open. Members pay $10 and “people off the street” will pay $14. Check out for updates!