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Dec 4, 2015

Wrap Up: Calascibetta Dethroned, Kuhl Crowned Golden Colt King

The Golden Colt in all its elegant glory.


Long after the 2015 Knock’em Back Masters concluded, before the last alley light was shut down and the cleaning crew asked him to leave, Mike Calascibetta was sitting by himself. Staring at his velcro bowling shoes, he could only muster these words to say: “It’s all over.”

The confidence that was Calascibetta's undoing

Until that day, Calascibetta had won all the November classics in MBA's short history. The only “Big Lebrewski” trophies in existence were on his apartment shelf in Queens. He had even prepared a place for the 4th trophy, he told League officials. Little did he know, it would not be needed. Sean Kuhl would shatter his “#DRE4M” of being the King of November another year. “After my second game, I knew it was all over before some of the other lanes even finished,” Kuhl would say to the press while eating at Lee’s Tavern later that night.

While Calascibetta had a respectable first game, bowling a 138, it was a pale shadow of his last victories starts (150, 178 and 150, respectively). By the conclusion of Game 1, players and media alike were looking across the the alley for a new victor. Mike Dillon would score a 153 in his first game, Amy Kitchen bowled a 143 in hers. The real threat would be rookie Vincent Fiore, who shook the Chapter’s foundation by bowling a 156 in his first game, which equaled an impressive 178 with his hefty handicap (22) from the month before’s meager performance. Members noticed Fiore strolling around with his hands behind his back in a “casual way” that infuriated some. “He had a smug look that really made me angry…this is anonymous, right?” fellow rookie Ashley Dalle said to League reporters. But anger quickly dissolved into delight for Dalle as Fiore would have the biggest game-to-game drop off in Mediocre Bowling Association history by bowling a 53 in his second game, a full 103 pins lower (for those of you who cannot math)! “I have a lot to learn in this league,” Fiore said to the media afterwards. “The highs are high, but the lows are much less high.”

"I just wanted to make sure it was the same as the other ones..."

Too busy watching Fiore’s victory go down in flames, no one noticed Sean Kuhl's game scores jump from a solid 133 to an impressive 212, sealing in yet another victory for the Kuhl household. In a ceremonial passing of the torch, Calascibetta (begrudgingly, and only after being tackled while trying to steal it) presented Kuhl with the Golden Colt who graciously gave Calascibetta the finger while chanting “Loser! Loser!” in response. When it was brought up that he should still be proud of the streak he had along with the notion that it might be a long time until it’s broken, he said “Maybe that will help me sleep at night...I guess I’ll have to fill that spot on my shelf with pictures of my kid or something.” We guess he will.

True gentleman, Sean Kuhl, humbly accepts The Big Lebrewski Trophy

Other notables for the evening include:

*Sean Kuhl’s scratch score in Game 2 would fall 1 pin shy of Mike Dillon’s Mediocre Bowling Association single game record of 213 thrown in the 2013 Great Divide. Breaking the 200 mark is reserved for elite company, but it also draws the ire of fellow members who feel they don’t belong. “Take a hike,” Todd Currier said via FaceTime while sitting in his Bob-O-Pedic preparing for the WWE Survivor Series to air.

*Rookie Jared Reiter would take home the first Gutter Trash Award of his career. It only took 7 gutters, but he got the job done. The combination of his early departure from the award ceremony and the Chapter Leader’s negligence in forgetting to bring the trophy to the bowling alley anyway made for one of the less memorable Gutter Trash presentations in League history.

*Chapter Leader and League CEO Dan Derwin would take home his first ever Dude award as well.  With his ticket punched to the Mediocre Cup Finals, things will get interesting if he ends up in the top 7 seeds of the Roy L. Munson Chapter Championship. “Lets hope it doesn’t come to that dreadful decision,” he said. “I almost hope I miss the top 7.” “He’s only saying that in case he doesn’t qualify…that losing was his intention the entire time…don’t tell him I told you though.” co-Leader Hillary Scott told the rest of the league in a group text on the side. 

Leigh Janicki's face is the only caption needed...

*Never since Tonya Harding attacked Nancy Kerrigan, has there been such an attempt of malicious of sport injury. Kevin Rogers, apparently threatened by Chapter Leader Hillary Scott's tough competition at the last event (113,120), attempted ankle-breaking-by-bowling-ball while she snapped pictures. Thanks to her cat-like reflexes, Scott escaped unscathed though she continued to wail "Why me?????" while other league members looked on in horror. "I can't believe he'd sink that low," Jon Robert Marrotte was overheard commenting to fellow League member Leigh Janicki after the ruckus, "Now we know...if you're bowling well, he's coming after you."