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Apr 30, 2017

Wrap Up: Celis Climbs MBA World Tour Mountain and Lives


What do you get when you get 36 of the worlds most mediocre bowlers under one roof? The answer is 36 of the worlds most mediocre bowlers under one roof.

The first annual MBA World Tour had multiple representatives from the Boston, Lancaster, and Staten Island chapters. The event took place at Staten Island’s home base, Rabs Country Lanes. “I’ve heard of Manhattan, but what the hell is Hylan Blvd?” asked a very confused Beth Hubbard. After many wrong directions were punched into the GPS, things got underway.

 The gang is all here

The first event was the MBA Chapter’s Cup. All 3 chapters would go nose to nose to nose to see who would take home the chalice with the highest two game average. Staten Island had the numbers with a few people leading the way. Jimmy Ciccone averaged 162 while Dan Derwin, Geoff Celis, Sean Kuhl had averages in the mid 150’s.The hometown group finished with a combined average of 127.8. Boston had 2017 Munson Cup Champion Mark Capone and Maureen Dunton reach averages of 156 and 153 respectively. Boston would finish with a combined average of 128.2. Lancaster, with only 4 people in tow, would do just enough to take the chalice back to Amish Country. Chapter leader Mike McDonnell would average a 156 with Louie Valencia finishing with a 129. That would be enough as they would squeak by Boston with a 128.8 average. “I can’t believe we still won even though I threw a 96 in my first game!” said Lancaster’s 2017 Munson Cup champion Jen Trachok. There was no word on what they would do with the cup, but league sources say we can expect to see it on display at American Bar & Grill.


The Chapter's Cup is headed back to Lancaster. Whatever

With these results in hand, the players who finished in the top 8 were headed to the MBA World Tour bracket. The bottom 8 were headed to the Gutter Gauntlet. The rest were thrown violently into the Mediocre Melee.


Joe and his Bowl

The Gutter Gauntlet had 7 women and 3 men playing one game. Joe Seluga finished 3rd from the bottom in the Chapter’s Cup standings, but he would not be denied in his final competition of the 2016-17 season. With a 149, he took home “The Bowl”. “Of course he won he’s a guy” said Melissa Roche. She should be proud, though. With 13 gutters in one game, she really was the DEFINITITION of gutter. She would break Shari Gessin’s playoff record of lowest score with 25. It is also the lowest score EVER thrown breaking Kathleen Houston’s 26 thrown at the 2014 Sweetness Open.


The total amount we had to give the front desk at the start of the tournament. THIS IS NO ACCIDENT

The Mediocre Melee had the middle 20 people playing one game as well. Kris Mork, who was a Munson Cup finalist for the Staten Island chapter, bowled a 171 and took home the inaugural AtlASS. “Well, there is no trophy more fitting for myself.” Mork would say to the press afterwards. Joabi Leflar bowled a 150 for the closest to score to Mork’s.


Kris Mork politely showing off his trophy with Lancaster competitor Joabi Leflar

Finally, the MBA World Tour Championship bracket was set. Ciccone vs Rogers, Celis vs Dunton, Capone vs Derwin, McDonnell vs Kuhl. By the end of round 1, and In some kind of cosmic rationale, the left lane completely eliminated the right lane. “Actually, it just seems like the top 4 seeds took care of business and snuffed out the bottom 4 seeds.” Ciccone would say in a complete moment of clarity.

The Boston chapter was nice enough to bring donuts that we could already buy here.

Round 2 had a one close game where handicaps were once again brought to a debate. Mark Capone would have beat Mike McDonnell 160 to 157 if McDonnell didn’t have a 9 handicap. “Those are the rules of the road.” He would say as the two embraced in a handshake. Boston’s chapter leader Maria Crooker would later say that Capone complained during the entire drive back home.

Staten Island's George Karyczak thrown into the fire bowling with the Boston chapter

With both McDonnell and Celis advancing to the final, it was time to crown the absolute greatest mediocre bowler on the planet. McDonell finished off a strong day with a 161 in his 5th and final game of the tournament, but Celis would not be denied. Throwing the greatest game of his life, a 217 would seal the deal. His 213 scratch score shatters retired Staten Island chapter member Justin Krstinic’s playoff record of 188 in the 2014 Roy L. Munson Chapter Championship and ties Mike Dillon’s 213 all time highest score ever thrown from the 2013 Great Divide. “I’m at a loss for words.” Celis would tell the press during his post tournament pizza binge. “Using my dad’s ball and bowling 5 strong games is the greatest way to close out a great season.


He does

What a way to close out our 5th anniversary season. Thanks to everyone for coming to this grand event, and especially thanks to you all for hanging out with us each Fall through Spring to make this league the greatest bowling league of all time. Enjoy the summer and we’ll see you in September!