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Sep 12, 2016

Expansion Continues: Lancaster, PA Launches Chapter In Time for 2016-17 Season

MBA HEADQUARTERS - NEW YORK, NY

The Mediocre Bowling Association is taking it's shitty talents to Amish country. Lancaster, Pennslvania will join the league in time for it's 5th anniversary season. They will join the newly minted Boston chapter as the MBA's latest expansion endevor.

Lancaster chapter leader Mike McDonnell after his stainless steel leg replacement surgery to help his bowling approach speed

"After being asked a few years back to start a chapter and not getting around to it, I decided that it was time to get the ball rolling (get it?)" chapter founder Mike McDonnell told the Amish Sports Press. "I've been in close contact with league officialls over the past few weeks and we figured out a way to get it done." He would continue to describe what he liked about the chapter's logo. "We somehow crammed Central Market, the Red Rose of Lancaster, and bowling pins into it while designing it into an Amish Hex." At press time, nobody knew what an Amish Hex was.

It's been a wild offseason for the MBA. Between working with two chapter leaders on expansion, changing league offices, to working out some new ideas for the 5th anniversary season. Co-czar Hillary Scott looked exausted when she addressed the media earlier this morning. "I'm going to lay down. Is Law & Order SVU on?" she said.

League CEO Hillary Scott moments before speaking to the press / post SVU

With less than a week to sign up, get off your ass and do so before it's too late. After all, you now have to keep your eye on 3 leaderboards to see if you are in fact the most mediocre bowler on planet earth.

Click here to JOIN NOW!

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Aug 15, 2016

MBA Expands to Boston; Chapter Begins Play In October

MBA HEADQUARTERS - NEW YORK, NY

What better way to kick off the 5th anniversary of the Mediocre Bowling Association than to expand upon it's cult like bowling status. The league is proud to announce in conjunction with the city of Boston, it's 2nd chapter in history!League officials bowling with the future members of the MBA Boston chapter back in June at PRB Asbury Park.

"We bowled right next to the league officials during the Punk Rock Bowling Tournament in Asbury Park this past June and were just enamored with their ability to bowl like complete shit, but drinking like true champions of the sport." Boston chapter founder Maria Crooker said to the press. "We figured we would be able to do the same thing in our home town as well."

17 people have signed up for the expansion chapter to date. Crooker feels like this is just the beginning (maybe because it is.) "We feel that we will get more people to join as word spreads around our local bars and alleys." At press time, we couldnt confirm whether she meant "Bowling Alleys" or "Alleyways," 

An unconfirmed photo of some guy named Tom from New England bowling. It's presumed he will join the new MBA Boston chapter.

Since the announcement of expansion, some members have been wondering whether or not there will be an additional competition that puts both chapters against each other. "No comment at this time." was all we could get out of Commissioner Dan Derwin. He then oddly winked, snapped his fingers, and pointed at the sky like he completed a touch down. He then added "What is the weather like up in Boston around April?"

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Jun 17, 2016

MBA Places THIRD in 2016 Punk Rock Bowling Tournament

- Asbury Park, NJ

When league officials submitted a list of names to participate in the 2016 Punk Rock Bowling Tournament in Asbury Park, they hoped they’d have a shot to at least finish in the top 16….since there were 16 teams competing. But beyond all odds, by 2 pm the team (made up of Dan Derwin, Hillary Scott, Mike Calascibetta, and Sean Kuhl) would be taking their victory team photo on the lanes holding THIRD PLACE MEDALS!

 

The Dream Team 

“It is unbelievable.” Calascibetta said. “I’m going to drink in celebration and then pawn this to get toll money for my trip back to Queens.”

 

Wares peddling in full effect at PRB

The Misfits were blasting through the alley, the spiked belts were cutting people, and the gutter balls were aplenty. Three grueling games for a room full of punk rockers who aren’t used to being awake until at least noon. 

 Unfortunately, the MBA team were placed on a lane directly next to the Mother Pugs Saloon, who's team consisted of MBA league members since Pugs owner KC Wonsowicz was too lazy to source his own foursome of mediocre bowlers. Ryan Petersen, Todd Currier, George Karyczak, and Leigh Janicki represented Staten Island’s favorite dive bar for the day. When management was approached to fix this glaring distraction, the Pugs team was relocated to the other end of the alley. “We couldn’t take Todd complaining about the ball return wait cutting into his tiki bar time at the hotel.” Hillary Scott said. “Rumor has it, he picked up a 7-10 split...but we didn't see it, so we don't believe it.”

 If anyone recognizes this ass, please let us know (We think she's from LA?)

Despite some lane mixups The Mother Pugs Saloon team ended up as the runners up with a 4th place finish. 

 But back to the MBA, things weren’t looking good by the end of the first game. Derwin bowled a 111, while Kuhl was having trouble getting his ball to curve. “In typical fashion, I was sweating when the spot light was on me.” Kuhl said. “I’ll get over it and move on to thinking about the next season.”

 Punk rock zine snapping pictures of the beautiful White Russian Trophy

While the second and third games were much improved, they would miss out on second place by 1 pin! "Well isn't that the pits" League Commisioner Dan Derwin was heard saying drunkenly over cheese fries during the announcements. 

 Boston chapter in the future?! 

To celebrate, the teams DID end up in Todd Currier’s hotel pool, but alas the tiki bar was closed. A couple of tall boys around the pool would have to do. While they all began to dream about next year's PRB tournament (Vegas 2017, anyone?) they will have the rest of the summer to mentally prepare for what REALLY counts: The MBA's 5th season.

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May 27, 2016

MBA to Compete in 2016 Punk Rock Bowling Tournament: Asbury, NJ


MBA HEADQUARTERS – NEW YORK, NY

There is a first time for everything. This is one of those times. The Mediocre Bowling Association is proud to announce that they will have a team representing the league in this year’s Punk Rock Bowling tournament in its inaugural Asbury Park location this coming June!

League officials are just starting to get around to preparing for the MBA’s 5th season. With some surprises to be announced later this summer in celebration of the anniversary, the league’s participation in the PRB is one of the best.

MBA Co-Czars Dan Derwin & Hillary Scott will be captaining the team alongside 2013 Roy L. Munson Chapter Champion Mike Calascibetta and perennial regular season trophy winner Sean Kuhl. “Ever since the League’s inception, we hoped for representation at the Punk Rock Bowling Tournament,” Scott stated to the press. “But since Dan’s banned from Vegas, after that awful shark tank incident, we were starting to worry it would never happen.” “The PRB coming to Asbury Park this year is the best birthday gift the MBA could ask for.” Derwin contributed, obviously changing the subject.

Some other members of the MBA will be in the building representing the Mother Pugs Saloon team. They won’t get any recognition on this page as long as they are playing the roll of nemesis (so take that Todd Currier, Ryan Petersen, Mark Eadicicco and George Karyczak).

In addition to bowling, the weekend will feature tons of awesome bands over two days at the fest nearby (check out PRB's website for the full line up). We’ll be there all weekend and encourage everyone to come on down to the Jersey shore to cheer on your fellow members and show your MBA pride!

The tournament runs from 11am-2:30pm at the following address:

Bradley Bowl
1217 Main St
Bradley Beach, NJ 07720

Hope to see you there!

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May 1, 2016

Registration Opens Surprisingly Early For League That Can't Get Their Shit Together

MBA HEADQUARTERS - NEW YORK, NY

Well, you can't start too early. Registration for the Mediocre Bowling Association's 5th season is open!

Less than two months ago, a champion was crowned. We here at the MBA would like to forget about him already and MOVE ON!

Those who have bowled with us know what to expect. For those that are new, take a look around our website. We have player profiles, leaderboards, a rule book, all time high scores, trophies -- all for being mediocre!

Whether you'd like to join an existing chapter, or start one of your own (anywhere on planet earth), we look forward to having your pedestrian bowling skills sketched on the walls of MBA history.

Click HERE to join an existing chapter or HERE to start one! Here's to a very tepid 2016-17 season!

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Dec 10, 2015

League Opens Statistics Bureau, Leaderboard and Career Stats aplenty.

MBA Headquarters - New York, NY

After taking a peek into the league's financial records, CEO Dan Derwin deemed it appropriate to hire some mathemeticians for the arduous job of sifting through historical records of all members and events.. The Mediocre Bowling Association Statistics Bureau have tackled their first assignment given to them. Players can now check their profiles to see their all time career numbers. "We can't promise that you'll like what you see when it comes to players scores, but at least they can see them." Derwin said in front of a packed media room. "Rumor has it the mathematicians can be bribed, as well." Head to your chapter's page to check out your profile, along with other pertinent information HERE!

Bringing numbers back to the current day, the MBASB have finally rolled out the new leaderboard. Although members probably won't notice much of a difference, the Bureau has allowed for the leaderboards to be updated in a much easier way. Check out where you stand toward the bottom of your chapter page!

Over time, league events will have their own pages along with historial notes, unbreakable (probably breakable) records from years past. We're looking forward to working with the MBASB in the years ahead.

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Dec 4, 2015

Wrap Up: Calascibetta Dethroned, Kuhl Crowned Golden Colt King

The Golden Colt in all its elegant glory.

MBA CHAPTER – STATEN ISLAND, NY

Long after the 2015 Knock’em Back Masters concluded, before the last alley light was shut down and the cleaning crew asked him to leave, Mike Calascibetta was sitting by himself. Staring at his velcro bowling shoes, he could only muster these words to say: “It’s all over.”

The confidence that was Calascibetta's undoing

Until that day, Calascibetta had won all the November classics in MBA's short history. The only “Big Lebrewski” trophies in existence were on his apartment shelf in Queens. He had even prepared a place for the 4th trophy, he told League officials. Little did he know, it would not be needed. Sean Kuhl would shatter his “#DRE4M” of being the King of November another year. “After my second game, I knew it was all over before some of the other lanes even finished,” Kuhl would say to the press while eating at Lee’s Tavern later that night.

While Calascibetta had a respectable first game, bowling a 138, it was a pale shadow of his last victories starts (150, 178 and 150, respectively). By the conclusion of Game 1, players and media alike were looking across the the alley for a new victor. Mike Dillon would score a 153 in his first game, Amy Kitchen bowled a 143 in hers. The real threat would be rookie Vincent Fiore, who shook the Chapter’s foundation by bowling a 156 in his first game, which equaled an impressive 178 with his hefty handicap (22) from the month before’s meager performance. Members noticed Fiore strolling around with his hands behind his back in a “casual way” that infuriated some. “He had a smug look that really made me angry…this is anonymous, right?” fellow rookie Ashley Dalle said to League reporters. But anger quickly dissolved into delight for Dalle as Fiore would have the biggest game-to-game drop off in Mediocre Bowling Association history by bowling a 53 in his second game, a full 103 pins lower (for those of you who cannot math)! “I have a lot to learn in this league,” Fiore said to the media afterwards. “The highs are high, but the lows are much less high.”

"I just wanted to make sure it was the same as the other ones..."

Too busy watching Fiore’s victory go down in flames, no one noticed Sean Kuhl's game scores jump from a solid 133 to an impressive 212, sealing in yet another victory for the Kuhl household. In a ceremonial passing of the torch, Calascibetta (begrudgingly, and only after being tackled while trying to steal it) presented Kuhl with the Golden Colt who graciously gave Calascibetta the finger while chanting “Loser! Loser!” in response. When it was brought up that he should still be proud of the streak he had along with the notion that it might be a long time until it’s broken, he said “Maybe that will help me sleep at night...I guess I’ll have to fill that spot on my shelf with pictures of my kid or something.” We guess he will.

True gentleman, Sean Kuhl, humbly accepts The Big Lebrewski Trophy

Other notables for the evening include:

*Sean Kuhl’s scratch score in Game 2 would fall 1 pin shy of Mike Dillon’s Mediocre Bowling Association single game record of 213 thrown in the 2013 Great Divide. Breaking the 200 mark is reserved for elite company, but it also draws the ire of fellow members who feel they don’t belong. “Take a hike,” Todd Currier said via FaceTime while sitting in his Bob-O-Pedic preparing for the WWE Survivor Series to air.

*Rookie Jared Reiter would take home the first Gutter Trash Award of his career. It only took 7 gutters, but he got the job done. The combination of his early departure from the award ceremony and the Chapter Leader’s negligence in forgetting to bring the trophy to the bowling alley anyway made for one of the less memorable Gutter Trash presentations in League history.

*Chapter Leader and League CEO Dan Derwin would take home his first ever Dude award as well.  With his ticket punched to the Mediocre Cup Finals, things will get interesting if he ends up in the top 7 seeds of the Roy L. Munson Chapter Championship. “Lets hope it doesn’t come to that dreadful decision,” he said. “I almost hope I miss the top 7.” “He’s only saying that in case he doesn’t qualify…that losing was his intention the entire time…don’t tell him I told you though.” co-Leader Hillary Scott told the rest of the league in a group text on the side. 

Leigh Janicki's face is the only caption needed...

*Never since Tonya Harding attacked Nancy Kerrigan, has there been such an attempt of malicious of sport injury. Kevin Rogers, apparently threatened by Chapter Leader Hillary Scott's tough competition at the last event (113,120), attempted ankle-breaking-by-bowling-ball while she snapped pictures. Thanks to her cat-like reflexes, Scott escaped unscathed though she continued to wail "Why me?????" while other league members looked on in horror. "I can't believe he'd sink that low," Jon Robert Marrotte was overheard commenting to fellow League member Leigh Janicki after the ruckus, "Now we know...if you're bowling well, he's coming after you."

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Oct 29, 2015

Wrap Up: Celis Finishes on Top, Again; Rookies Dominate Sweetness Open

 MBA CHAPTER - STATEN ISLAND, NY

On a beautiful autumn afternoon, 37 members of the Staten Island chapter kicked off it’s regular season for the first time at Rab’s Country Lanes. In one of the most attended games in MBA history, the usual madness would take place between old and new members alike. With a brief holding up of his bowling ball with one hand to a rousing ovation, chapter leader Dan Derwin lead the way with a 7 on his first throw. “Of course I don’t get a strike.” he would say to the press after the event.

Commissioner, Chapter Leader and all-around Gentlemen, Daniel Derwin
celebrates his first throw of the season

Game 1, which ends up being the strongest for most, came and went with not much to talk about. Keith Paras, who is recovering from a paralyzing summer injury in which his ankle went through a cement floor, bowled the poorest game of his career with a 72. “ The only thing that kept me going was my ability to limp.” Paras said in front of his visibly upset wife. “I ended up scoring a 107 and 123 to right the ship afterwards, so I’ll sleep tonight.”


Keith "Limpsy" Paras shakes it off 

Game 2 had six people bowling in 130’s, including new members Christine Beaton, Gabriel Reiter, and James Ciccone. “If I knew the league would be this easy, I wouldn’t have even practiced.” Beaton said while sketching her Munson Cup banner on the back of a lotto ticket. “I’ll see you guys at Pugs next September.” League Official, Mark Eadicicco would score the highest in Game 2 with a 141.

Game 3’s are usually where attention spans wane, and inebriation kicks in. With only a few bowlers scoring pretty high, the Sweetness Open’s contenders began to emerge. Reigning Munson Cup champion Geoff Celis would leave the competition in the dust with a 149 event average, taking home the 1st place medal. Rookie James Ciccone would take home the 2nd place medal in his MBA debut. “I can’t believe it!” Ciccone said as he slipped into his lucky New York Mets jacket. “It’s the jacket.” he insisted. Jessica Kuhl, while excited to take home her first career Sweetness medal, was partially devastated. For the second event in a row, she would finish .6 points behind another player. In last month’s Chapter Invitational, she lost by .6 points to Kevin Rogers. Today, it would be to Ciccone with a 134.6 to 134. “Next time, I’ll have somebody round up my score.” Kuhl would say publicly in a foolish manner. The MBA has officially placed her on the known offenders list.


Reigning Champion, Geoff Celis finishes on top in the first game of
the 2015-16 season, celebrates with donuts

Other notables for the evening include:

*Rookie Diane Lawler would end up taking home her first career MBA trophy, the Dude Award, with an event average of 99. The Dude Award is handed out the player who finishes closest to the event’s median score without going over ala Price is Right rules. “Now that I qualify for the Mediocre Cup Finals in March, I can relax.” Lawler said via text. “Actually, no I can’t. I left without my trophy!”

*Heather O’Shea would take home her 7th career Gutter Trash Award. O’Shea doesn’t seem to be slowing down any time soon. She’ll be using bumpers for one game in next month’s Knock’em Back Masters, so it might be possible to stay a step ahead if you’re a gutter throwing specialist. “It’s a challenge but I think I can I still get a gutter, even with bumpers.” O’shea said.

*Mike Calascibetta, who is known to have trouble with the Sweetness Open, committed the first foul of his career during the 5th frame of Game 2. “You’ll never see that again, or at least until the next event.” he vented to the bartender. Speaking of “fowls,” Jen Grunwald threw the first turkey of her career during Game 2. “You’ll never see that again, or at least…nah that’s it”. Speaking of turkeys, with Thanksgiving coming next month, look no further than the parking spaces around Rabs, which was overflowing with the critters. George Karyczak could be spotted firing up the barbecue on the sidewalk next to Rab’s; the MBA vegan community could not be reached for comment.

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Oct 5, 2015

Wrap Up: Celis Celebrated, Rogers Snags Record Attendance

MBA CHAPTER - STATEN ISLAND, NY

“When you see your banner raised to the ceiling of a dive bar, the feeling in your heart is indescribable.” - Geoff Celis, 14-15 Munson Cup Champion and internet sensation after garnering over 18 likes on this @thembastinks Instagram post

Nothing else mattered tonight. Geoff Celis was celebrated, booed, and the focal point for the Staten Island Chapter of the Mediocre Bowling Association. This annual night in September officially closes the book on the season that once was. Ahead, is the chance to step on a few heads and pile up the hardware. “Nothing will make me happier than making every other bowler feel like shit.” said Joe Tavalare, Rookie of the Year winner and Munson Cup semi-finalist for the 14-15 season.

"I've pretty much never been happy, but now that I'm engaged and bowling is back...I wonder if this is what it feels like" - Ryan Petersen, MBA Member since 2012

New members and old alike showed up to strut their stuff and scope out the competition

The following day, members took part in the 2015 MBA Chapter Invitational. This was an event for most players to shake the cobwebs off their bowling bags and bowling arms. For the select few who attended all 5 regular season events the previous year, they had a chance to take home the season’s first prestigious award, a new addition to the MBA Trophy roster. The Punctual Pumpkin was no more, replaced by “The Record Player”. “I’d love to listen to it, but it’s just a trophy.” said William Hammill, bowling and vinyl enthusiast who came to observe the opening day festivities.

Justin Krstinic makes up for lost time on the lanes by simultaneously psyching out 3 opponents at the same time. 

This event was special for another reason. After 3 seasons at Showplace Bowling & Entertainment, the MBA’s Staten Island Chapter decided it was time to move on. Rab’s Country Lanes opened their doors to the league with full aplomb. Highly technological screens displaying the MBA logos and signs of welcome, could be seen across the alley. “I saw a sandwich in the bar, but we couldn't tell if it was for us or for regular customers watching the NFL.” Bari Reiter told the press. Witnesses say that the sandwich was delicious.

Once the fanfare ended, the bowling was underway. The pre-seasoners enjoyed the exhibition while the players who qualified for the Chapter Invitational came out with a bang in Game 1. MBA Sophmore Matt Wilson was looking to run away with an early lead in Game 1 with 5 strikes and a score of 152. “I was so happy, but I had a feeling it wasn't going to hold up.” he said before using his 6 gigs the night before as an excuse. He was right. In Game 2, the only players who mattered were Jessica Kuhl and Kevin Rogers. Although Rogers acted surprised, he had already done the math realizing he had won by 0.5 points,146.5 to 146. “I’m sick” said Kuhl, who won this event a year ago. “My husband* is NOT going to be happy the Kuhl house has let this year’s trophy get away.”

*Sean Kuhl won this event in its inaugural season, 2 years ago.

"Soon" - Dave Derwin

One of the hardest events to win, due to both the need to qualify by attendance and then dominate on the lanes, it is always an exciting way to start the MBA Season. We’ll see who will qualify for next years tournament starting with October’s Sweetness Open. See everybody on the 18th! 

Notables for this event include:

*After a lengthy absence, Mike Dillon looked reborn with two bowling balls in tow as well as the final scores of 162 and 155, which would have won him the title had he attended all 5 regular season events. The two-time Munson Cup finalist, is seeking his first trophy since captaining the 2013 Caucasian Open champs, Team Hard Drugs. “I’m ready to fuck things up,” he said while looking at #CatsofInstagram on his phone.

*Kevin Rogers treated his Record of the Year Award to Denino’s Brick Oven Pizza after the event. Witnesses say the trophy ordered a Chicken Roll and Mozzarella Sticks. Witnesses also say that Kevin was seen having a heated conversation with the trophy in the Ralph’s Ices line, as well. More on this story when we get additional information on what flavors they ordered.

* Justin Krstinic, who qualified for the Invitational, was running extremely late to the event. League officials allowed him to jump in when he arrived in the 8th frame of Game 1. He then proceeded to throw 4 strikes in his first 6 frames. He wouldn't be able to sustain his PCP addict-like pace. He would finish Game 2 with the score of 111. “I got too excited and blew it,” he said. “I won’t make the same mistake next month. Believe it.”

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Aug 3, 2015

2015-16 MBA Season Sign Ups Are Officially OPEN!

MBA HEADQUARTERS - NEW YORK, NY

Well, it's that time of year again. The doors to the Mediocre Bowling Association's 4th (!!) season are officially open. With a new season, comes the same low expectations and uninspired competition that takes us on an emotional journey through the Fall and Winter months while wrapping up just in time for Spring. "I personally hate the summer so this announcement gets me pumped up in ways that I shouldn't mention." said the MBA's co-CEO Hillary Scott.

The 2015-2016 season kicks off next month with September's preseason / playoffs-for-some event the MBA Chapter Invitational. While the seasons of old pile up in the rearview mirror, each event has built upon it's own rich tradition of winners and losers. Each year is a chance to mow down the competition. Who will lift the league's beloved Roy L. Munson Cup at the end of the year? Maybe it's YOU!

If you are interested in joining an existing chapter (Staten Island is our only one to date,) you may do so above by clicking on JOIN in the drop down menu, or by clicking HERE. If you live elsewhere and are interested in creating your own chapter, you may also click on JOIN in the drop down menu above and follows the instructions, or by clicking HERE. We hope to make the Mediocre Bowling Association even bigger this year with your help. We are a few steps away from making this the biggest and greatest worst bowling league in the world!

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