Choose a Category

Dec 17, 2018

Wrap Up: Kuhl and Chiappi Come Together to Divide Championship


The holidays are in the air, the Great Divide is the event, and pairing up is the name of the game. “We get it.” Ryan Petersen said while wearing a hologram jacket. “This is our 7th one.”

 Certain members poured into the pre-game bar to accept their enamel pins that were waiting for them which symbolized their admittance to the MBA Turkey Club during the last two events. Simple enough, throw a turkey ONCE in your career to earn one going forward! Some of those members weren’t happy to learn that the key word was ONCE. “I wanted two so I could wear them as earrings.” Leigh Janicki cried. “This is bull shit.” Jess Kuhl chimed in. The league predictably was not available for comment.

 Drunk to the balls

Once the pitchforks were put away, it was time for some bowling. The players were paired up based on their position in the standings. The top of the leaderboard was paired with the bottom of the leaderboard, second best and second worst, etc. With Game 1 under way, co-founder Hillary Scott and Maureen Seaquist were starting off on the right foot bowling a 152 and 127, respectively. Rookie Tony Chiappi and Elder Statesman Sean Kuhl looked great as well with a 146.5 AVG. The bigger story was how many individual players ere bowling below their usual standard. George Karyczak would finish his day with scratch scores of 56 and 77. His partner, Dan Derwin, could be seen yelling at him throughout the event. Meanwhile, he bowled a season low of 116 in Game 1. Altogether, FOURTEEN players threw their lowest score of the season during this event. “MLB had the ‘Black Sox Scandal,’ the NFL has kneeling during the anthem, and we have collective lethargy.” A league spokesman, who wanted to remain anonymous, said in an email to the press.

 Are you not entertained?!

In Game 2, the course was pretty much set. Scott and Seaquist finished with a solid 139.5 event average.  Jimmy Ciccone and Rookie Michael Chiappi made some noise while finishing in second with a 143.2 average. In the end, it would be Kuhl and Tony Chiappi taking home the His & Her Trophy with a 145 average. “It feels great to win the first MBA trophy in my career.” Chiappi said during a champagne bath. “I’ve been making some noise all season, so let’s see where it takes me." Kuhl got his usual smattering of boos, but not as bad as some other players. “Maybe it’s because my kid is here.” He would wonder. No, it’s probably that we just don’t care anymore.

 Adrienne Mork wins a trophy in her debut event!

Let’s all celebrate the holidays, the new year, and prepare to care for the next and final team event of the MBA regular season calendar. The Caucasian Open on Sunday January 20th!




  • For the earth’s calendar, we have B.C. and A.D. The same could probably be said in regards to the introduction of the Turkey Club. Constant shouts of “Turkey Watch” could be heard about the lanes. Usually, after just ONE strike was thrown. “It was awful.” Ex league official Mark Eadicicco said. It was particularly awful for Eadicicco since he had two strikes on the board and it seemed like everybody was whispering. “The pressure of a throwing a turkey was hard before, but now it’ll be ten times worse.” Sean Kuhl also had a two strike count before knocking down just 9 on his third throw. “It’s going to be a nightmare.”


  • Sean Kuhl, who took home the 2018 Great Divide Championship, is the first player to win every single regular season event in MBA history. He also has an MBA Invitational playoff championship, 3x Helen Dillon Memorial Trophy for most strikes in a season, and a 2016-17 Fred Glasier Memorial Trophy for most spares in a season to his name. While a career worth celebrating, he’s missing the big one: The Roy L. Munson Chapter Championship. “I need that banner at Mother Pugs Saloon.” He said. “Once I get that, I could then focus on winning the World Tour. Pitchforks, anyone?


  • Kevin Rogers is used to getting booed, but I don’t think he wanted to deal with the wrath of going with the flow when he was accidentally granted a 30 handicap instead of a 3. “I went right to the desk” he said afterwards. “We might have seen those pitchforks again real quick.”


  • Ryan Petersen, who is always known to be on the slowest lane, ended up the 1st of 6 lanes to finish. When asked for a comment afterwards as to what the revelation was about, he threw his wife Maggi, who couldn’t attend, right under the bus. “Please don’t tell her I said that, thanks.” An independent arbitrator suspected otherwise. “Maybe he was just depressed that she wasn’t there and didn’t walk around.” I guess we’ll see what happens next month.