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Sep 21, 2016

Wrap Up: Rogers Gets Hung; Kuhl & Son Win Chapter Invitational


 On Saturday night, the Staten Island chapter paid it’s tribute to Kevin Rogers with a banner night at Mother Pugs Saloon. His name joined the Ring of Honor, along side legendary bowlers such as Mike Calascibetta, Justin Krstinic, and Geoff Celis. He was also the first member to show up fashionably late to his own ceremony. “The party doesn’t start until I get there, anyway.” Rogers said to the press. The bands were loud, and the drinks were flowing. Everybody was just happy to move on from the traumatizing event.


Rabs Country Lanes welcomed the chapter with aplomb

The 4th MBA Chapter Invitational in 5 seasons took place on an unusually humid day in September. Members of the Staten Island chapter, old and new, couldn’t help but complain about the 80+ degree day. “When I come to bowl, I expect to wear a jacket.” Bari Reiter complained. “My bowling balls are sticking to my bag.” Said Phil Cadaver. Hah, we get it.


A total of 33 people showed up to bowl which is a league record for a preseason event, since most people who sign up late can’t fit the game into their schedule .17 members qualified to compete for the Attendance Record trophy. Since they attended all 5 regular season events in the previous campaign, they had the right to jump right into the pressure cooker while the other members threw a stress free 2 games to get back into the swing of things. New members got to observe how the MBA machine works during event day. “I was impressed.” Rookie Phil DiMarco told a few strangers in the parking lot that evening. “Wait, who are you?”

 "Can I help you?" - Matt Wilson

After 1 game, the eyes of the chapter were on 2 members for their impressive scores: Sean Kuhl (157) and Ryan Petersen (156.) Once they both knew of each other’s potential to win, Kuhl started to converse with Petersen more. “Why he is yelling a bunch of shit that will make me laugh?” Petersen said. “I thought this was supposed to be relaxing today. I wish I either didn’t bowl as well or I picked up the spares in my second game”

 Sean Kuhl's secret weapon: "Lil" Chuck

Kuhl would eventually bowl a strong 149 in Game 2 to finish with an event winning average of 153. Petersen petered out with a 118 in his second game. “Between my wife and I, we’ve won this event 3 out of the last 4 times.” Kuhl would say while holding the Attendance Record with his newborn son, Charles, in his arms. “I haven’t won since the league changed the trophy so I needed it.”

 The real season starts with the Sweetness Open on October 16th. The baby might have to grab a beer for this one.


Other notables for the evening include:

 *Last season, George Karyczak opened the floodgates by bringing his baby daughter, Betty, to the February T.D.K. Memorial Tournament. At this season’s MBA Chapter Invitational, both the Kuhl’s and the Dillon’s brought their own babies. “Who needs a babysitter when we have 30 or more willing to watch them for us while we bowl?” Jessica Dillon said. The league is looking into baby clothes to sell in it’s online store.


Mar 25, 2016

Wrap Up: Rogers Dethrones Celis and Begins Reign as New MBA Champion!


With the 4th Mediocre Bowling Association season in the books, it’s time to look ahead to warm weather, beaches, fireworks, throwing up, and sunburn before we eventually get back into bowling action by September. First, let’s recap one of the best Final Day’s in league history.

The Honorable Munson Wild Card took place first with some especially notable players in the mix. Justin Krstinic, playing in his first ever Wild Card round, was one of the sure favorites to win the coveted 8th seed. Mike Calascibetta, Munson Cup champion in 2013, is always a contender for a career game, also. Towards the end of the game, fellow bowlers were pointing to the scores of Krstinic, Jess Kuhl, rookie Christine Beaton, and Hillary Scott as potential winners. But it was true wild card Maggi Weaver and her handicap of 23 added to her scratch score of 139 who stole the show with the winning total (162). While there was a rumor of Krstinic throwing his last frame in favor of leaving early to meet his girlfriend (to which he shiftily swore to present league officials was not the case) he congratulated Weaver before hastily running out the door.

Up next was the Mediocre Cup Finals, taking place simultaneously as the Roy L. Munson Chapter Championship. Regular season Dude Award winners Diane Lawler, Leigh Janicki, and Melissa Roche faced off in a one game playoff to determine who was the most mediocre of the mediocre. With Margaret Salzillo not in attendance, and Dan Derwin choosing his destiny as the RLMCC’s 7th seed, the three ladies were there to battle it out amongst themselves. Lawler and Janicki were pretty much neck and neck until the very end. Although Lawler had a 6 pin edge in handicap, she would fall 6 more pins short in a 136 to 130 result. Janicki, who won her 3rd trophy of the 2015-16 season couldn’t put the Mediocre Cup down long after she’d won it. 

“Do you think this thing leaks? Imma get a mimosa up in this bitch.”
Janicki was overheard asking the Rab’s bartender. 

Meanwhile, the first round of the RLMCC pitted the Honorable Munson winner vs #1 seed Sean Kuhl, 7th seed Dan Derwin vs 2nd seed Mike Dillon, 6th seed Kevin Rogers vs 3rd seed (and Rookie of the Year) James Ciccone, and 5th seed Jon Marotte, vs 4th seed Geoff Celis. While some good games took place, including Roger’s 189 to 175 victory over Ciccone, none other was more impressive than Weaver’s upset over Kuhl. Being the 1st Wild Card winner to advance to the second round, Weaver praised the support of her fiancé Ryan Petersen and her Hens. “I would probably be sitting with them yelling at someone else playing, but this is much better. By the way, how cute is George’s baby?” Kuhl was not happy with his lane. He claimed that there were some dips in the wood. “This is horse shit” he said while trying not to throw things (besides bowling balls). “So are the handicaps!” But in an astounding twist of fate – had there been NO handicap, Kuhl and Weaver would have tied with a 110 each! In addition to the same score, they also tied ALL of the tiebreaking criteria: 1 strike / 1 spare / 0 gutters. League officials said afterwards that they would have no idea what the 4th tie breaker would have been had she not won with the handcap. “Fist fight, I guess,” said Mark Eadicicco.

In a classy twist, Kuhl stayed on to coach Weaver through her second game
...that was the only game she lost that day.

The second round featured the 4th, 6th, 7th, and 8th seeds, a first for the league. Most assumed that Kevin Rogers and Geoff Celis would advance to the Munson Cup Final…and they assumed correctly. After bowling 3 games, Weaver would begin to fade while throwing a 112 to Celis’ 137. Although Rogers would throw his lowest game of the night, Derwin could not get out of his own way, losing 142 to 127. “It was great to breathe the air up there in the semi-finals.” Derwin said while walking towards the bathroom. “Why are you following me to the bathroom?”

See what we mean about Leigh? She won't put it down.

The final round featured 4th seed vs 6th seed, Geoff Celis vs Kevin Rogers. Celis, as reigning champion, should have shaken Rogers in his first Finals appearance. Unfortunately for Celis, this was not the case. In a 178 to 122 blow out, Rogers even threw 2 strikes in his “victory lap” 10th frame. One of the strikes was such a haphazard toss, some took offense to it saying he was “shoving it in Geoff’s face.” “It looked like he was shoving it in his face.” Mike Dillon said. “A real face shove, if you will,” Tara Meiners said, as she held her boyfriends crutches. “Shoving,” Phil Cadaver chimed in.

Whether in euphoria or distain, they all watched a new champion be crowned. There has not been a repeat Munson Cup champion to date. Will there be another new winner? Find out next time!

Other notables for the evening include:

*Your Staten Island chapter’s regular season award winners:

                      -       Helen Dillon Memorial Trophy (Most Strikes) – Sean Kuhl (28)
                      -       Fred Glasier Memorial Trophy (Most Spares) – Sean Kuhl (45 *New Record*)
                      -       Most Mediocre Bowler Pin – Matt Wilson (115.3 AVG)
                      -       Rookie of the Year – James Ciccone (141.3 AVG)

*Kevin Rogers had a year to remember. He finished with a scratch average of 94.2 during his rookie year in 2013-14. In the last 12 months, Rogers made it to the 2nd round of the 2015 RLMCC, won the 2014-15 Fred Glasier Memorial Award for most spares during the regular season, the 2015 MBA Chapter Invitational, the 2015 Great Divide with Dave Derwin, the 2016 Caucasian Open, and of course, the 2016 Munson Cup. We assume things can only go down from here.

*The 5th MBA season starts up in September of this year. We have a few special things planned, including some new merchandise to celebrate. We will also be adding some more trophies to clog your apartment shelves with. More than anything, we HOPE to get another chapter out there. If you know anyone who might be interested in running one in another town, let us know! Sign ups for next year will be open sooner rather than later this time around. We will keep everyone posted. See you at the beach. If not, we’ll see you at the banner raising at Mother Pugs Saloon in September. And as always, thanks for playing!





Mar 17, 2016

Playoffs: 2016 Roy L. Munson Chapter Championship Preview!


With our final event of the 2015-16 MBA season approaching, we spoke to our Las Vegas experts about their expections for the league's ultimate event. One man, who has lost a bunch of money over the years betting on the MBA, asked to remain anonymous for his interview. "I think we will have our first repeat winner in Munson Cup history." he said. The man, who looked homeless, then went on a tangant about aliens for 20 minutes before pissing his pants. 

After that ordeal, we here in the league offices decided to write our own preview. Here are the straight facts:

1) Sean Kuhl vs 8) Honorable Munson Wild Card Winner

Kuhl has been in this situation before. Last season, he dispatched of Leigh Janicki while the season before he dispatched of Ryan Petersen. While this sounds expected of a 1st overall seed, Kuhl has been known the play down to the competition. Both times, the Wild Card winner only lost by a few pins. Will the tables finally turn? Kuhl had a phenominal season taking home both the Helen Dillon Memorial Trophy (most strikes with 28) & the Fred Glasier Memorial Trophy (most spares with a new record of 45.)

2) Mike Dillon vs 7) Dan Derwin

A rematch of the 2014 first round match up where they were the 4th and 5th seeds, respectively. Dillon threw 4 straight strikes to eliminate Derwin, while establishing a league record 7 strikes thrown in one playoff game. Derwin has not been back to the top 7 since, but that is the least of his concerns. Having won the Dude Award in November's Knock'em Back Masters, he will have to choose to either play in the Mediocre Cup Finals or as the 7th seed in the first round of the RLMCC.

3) James Ciccone vs 6) Kevin Rogers

Rookie of the Year James Ciccone is going for the championship in his first career season. Standing in his way is Kevin Rogers, who has established himself as one of the chapter's top bowlers after a very mediocre first season in 2013-14. Rogers eliminated Justin Krstinic in the first round of last year's tournament 171 to 170 in a game that is still talked about today. Rogers had taken a red eye flight home from Texas to make sure he didnt miss the final event.

4) Geoff Celis vs 5) J.R. Marotte

Geoff Celis is coming off a championship season. J.R. Marotte is coming off his couch. Make no mistake, Marotte has it in him to have the game of his life at any given moment. Celis, who only took part in the league minimum 3 events to qualify for the tournament, threw a 97 in his first game of last months T.D.K. Memorial Tournament. Have the mighty fallen? We will find out this Sunday.

Prediction: Somebody wins and many lose.


Mar 14, 2016

Wrap Up: Mike Dillon takes Memorial, Top 7 for Playoffs Announced!


There is a time for mourning, and there is a time for winning. At the 2016 Theodore Donald Kerabatsos Memorial Tournament, there was both.

The last regular season gameday is always an edge-of-your-seat event. The league leaderboard shuffles like wild fire, and members fight to jump into the top 7, or hold on to their spot if they’re already there. “I always have pretty great years, but I’ve never won any hardware,” said MBA League Official Keith Paras from his office phone. “If I can slip into the top 7, I think I'll take it all.” (He didn't.)

But he did bowl pretty pretty pretty pretty good

The Staten Island chapter members left it all on the lanes. For 3 grueling games, people cursed their fellow lane mates while drinking copious amounts of beer, sangria and hastily made White Russians. From the outset, it was known that Mike Dillon would be tough competition. Bowling a 207 in his first game, he would only need to be mediocre to finish the job. And he delivered on both promises by winning the whole event with a very pedestrian 123 and 138 in games 2 and 3, respectively. Briefly leaving the competition feeling like they still had a chance. “I have a chance,” said Phil Cadaver while staring at his shoe laces. (He didn’t.)


The closest player to come near Dillon would be Sean Kuhl, who bowled a very steady 156, 150, 151 for a 152.3 AVG. Although this would inevitably lift Sean to the top spot on the leaderboard, the T.D.K. hardware would slip through his fingers to Dillon's 156 event average. He took the loss hard. “Somebody threw my bean bag in the trash. I think it was Mike (Dillon).” 

And this was before he even realized Dan Derwin jumped him for his playoff spot... 

The biggest surprise of the night wasn’t the way the event itself finished, but that Commissioner Dan Derwin, who finished with a 143 AVG, jumped over former champ Justin Krstinic for the coveted 7th and final seed in the Roy L. Munson Chapter Championship this month. Krstinic, who was witnessed by several people to be running back and forth between his own lane and that of his girlfriend’s, obviously couldn’t juggle both tasks. “This is my first year in the Honorable Munson Wild Card round, and hopefully it’ll be my last.” Krstinic said while chewing on a pencil. “Actually, I have to win it first.”

We will find out who wins what, in the 4th season's ultimate conclusion on March 20th!

"I think I'm going to use this as my ball today. What is she? 8 pounds?" - Melissa Roche

Notables for the evening include:

*With the dust settling after the last leaderboard shuffling, the top 7 spots for this years RLMCCC have been revealed! Congratulations to:

 *Mike Calascibetta, who showed up to the event like a proud father with a new, freshly drilled bowing ball, wasn’t the first one to use it. Melissa Roche, thinking that it was an alley ball, used it for her turn prior to Calascibetta’s. She knocked down 9 pins in her first frame, so at least the ball had luck but when it was Calascibetta’s turn to use it, he threw TWO gutters in the 1st frame. “I’ve never seen anything like it.” He said. Roche has stated via press release that the ball recognizes her as its true master and she plans on using it throughout the duration of her MBA career.

She couldn't throw George's baby, so she went after Mike's

*A lot of bowlers had pretty excellent games to end the regular season. Looking at the score sheet, various bowlers who have been known to be the definition of mediocre had stand out nights. Examples: Jocelyn Elliott (146), Tanya Hollowchuk (150), Christine Beaton (158), Phil Cadaver (141), Dave Derwin (151), Lois Conti (131) and last but not least, Geoff Celis (97)

How do you like him now?



Feb 10, 2016

Wrap Up: Who Won The Caucasian Open? (Team) I Don't Know(s)

It's not real guys...chill


“What’s your team name?” “I don’t know.” And a dream-team was born.

For most contenders, picking out a team name is one of the most exciting parts of the day. But for “Team I Don’t Know’s” they were focused on only one thing – bowling the best game of their lives.

But while their team name may have sucked, they were doing something right: they walked away with the goods. The 2016 Caucasian Open champions will have their non-name forever etched on the side of the White Russian trophy. “The name doesn’t matter,” Team Captain Geoff Celis said while being mobbed by his teammates. “We were so focused on the bowling, I’m surprised some of us even stopped to take a sip of our White Russians.” (Of course the official drink of the big event!)

It was reported that co-commisioner Hillary Scott had drank 12 alcoholic milkshakes
the day of the event, which may have contributed to her team ("Teamboat Willie")
losing STEAM (get it) and finishing in last place 

The action started before the games even began. Thirty-nine players attended the Communist Classic, which is the most mediocrity under one roof in league history. Locals in the alley bar bristled at the sight of the League’s most esteemed trophy yelling vociferously that the MBA was a league of “Goddamn pinkos.” Tensions were high.  “The bartender was visibly sweating,” noted Todd Currier. Witnesses would later say that he badgered her relentlessly for the perfect Cosmopolitan.

James Ciccone, after a two-month hiatus, reappeared to collect his 2nd place ribbon from the first event and lead his Team (The “Missed by a Hair’s”) into 5th place. “We thought we scared him away but no,” Chapter Leader Dan Derwin was heard saying to a few of the members between gutters, “so we’ll have to work harder today!” Ciccone’s third place slot on the Leaderboard makes him a major threat for the upcoming playoffs as long as he attends the requisite 3 out of 5 regular season events. 

Team Futurestar’s could be seen hanging their heads leaving Rab’s afterwards. Lead by previous event winner Sean Kuhl, his team of miscreants finished in a close 2nd place with a 131 average. “Sean & Tara (Meiners) were the only two keeping our team afloat.” Said Phil Cadaver. “The rest of the lanes called us Team FutureDUDS,” Dave Derwin sadly reported in a post-game interview.

Chapter Leader Dan Derwin coped with the stress of loss by screaming profanities when it 
became clear Team FutureSLURS wouldn't take home the Grand prize

But in the end, with a 133.2 team average, a crew that consisted of repeat winners Kevin Rogers, Leigh Janicki, Bari Reiter, along with first time winners Geoff Celis, Maggi Weaver, and Jocelyn Elliott dominated. “Team I Don’t Know’s” had the second highest Caucasian Open average of all time, placed directly behind 2015’s Team Pin Pals. None of this was by accident. Rogers, Reiter, and Elliott all threw their highest individual games in the tournament. “I was saving it for today” said Elliott. “I wasn’t,” said Rogers “…I guess shit happens.”

And so now, everybody know’s the name of the team that nobody knows the name of.

...but since there are so many people in the photo...nobody
ACTUALLY knows who was on the winning team...

Other notables for the evening include:

*Team Hard Drugs, captained by the 1st overall seed Mike Dillon, saw his team finish in a distant 3rd place with a 121.5 average. Speaking under the condition of anonymity, lane-mate George Karyczak mentioned how mutiny was openly discussed. “We were going to drag Dillon out to the parking lot and leave him there.” Insiders believe his below average play was the catalyst to the discussion. “He’s supposed to lead us,” Heather O’Shea said while nearly in tears. “What the hell do you call that 120 in Game 2?!” After a successful 2013 Caucasian Open championship, Dillon will have to just look to the future. “I still have a solo career to play for!” he said while holding an ice pack to a black eye.

*Leigh Janicki would win the 1st Dude Award of her career, along with the 4th out of 5 to be distributed this season. “My collection is slowly growing.” Janicki told the press from her car window, which was obnoxiously open by only a crack. “I can’t wait to put my name on the Mediocre Cup in March.” At press time, it’s unclear whether she asked the other current participants in the tournament: Diane Lawler, Margaret Salzillo, and Dan Derwin whether this was true.

Starstruck Vincent Fiore was completely distracted by local art legend Scott Lobaido's presence on the next lane...sources say Lobaido was at Rab's researching for an upcoming Bowling/American flag mash-up mural - only time will tell if our source (the Gennaro's pizza guy) is correct!

* Jared Reiter would not only win his 3rd ever Gutter Trash Award (12 gutters) but it would also be his 3rd consecutive. Heather O’Shea was the last player to win consecutive Gutter Trash Awards (2014 Caucasian & 2014 T.D.K. Memorial Tournament). Reiter, who refused to use his free bumpers pass earned with the first two trophies, will most likely refuse to use it again in February.  League officials plan on hitting the bumper button when Mr. Reiter uses the bathroom. “They’re just jealous because I’m winning all the trophies.” Reiter was overheard saying to his lane-mates at the Open.




Jan 13, 2016

Captains Chosen For The 2016 Caucasian Open

Newly parented, league sources believe the Karyczaks will not be attending the 2016 Caucasian Open. Sources also say that members don't mind.


Do you feel that chill in the air? No, that is not Old Man Winter. It's the ice cold pressure of yet another Caucasian Open coming up this Sunday. Depending on attendance of course, there will be anywhere from 5-7 captains representing their own crew of schlubs who's only goal will be to win the controversial White Russian trophy. These "miscreants" are chosen from various skill groups based on performance so far this season. The captains are chosen from the top players on the latest leaderboard. 7 captains would be the most ever chosen for a Caucasian Open. Out of sheer laziness and pessimism, let's assume we only have 5 captains. Here are a few notes regarding these "people:"

1) MIKE DILLON - 151.3 AVG - A veteran of the MBA, Dillon has seen his share of victories on the battlefield. Mostly remembered for losing two years in a row to the eventual Roy L. Munson Chapter Champion in 2013 & 2014, Dillon has "been there, done that" in the Caucasian Open. His "Team Hard Drugs" took home the inaugural championship in 2013 and there is no doubt he will be looking for his second big drink.

2) GEOFF CELIS - 149 AVG - The latest Munson Cup champion will be looking for his first White Russian trophy. He captained a team in 2014 to no avail. Celis hasnt bowled since October's Sweetness Open, in which he won the gold medal. Confirmed to attend this Sunday, Celis needs to show up to this month's tournament as well as next month's TDK Memorial Tournament to qualify for the playoffs in March.

3) SEAN KUHL - 140.6 AVG - A captain for the 4th Caucasian Open in a row, steering "No Surf Boards" to a championship in 2014, Kuhl is obviously no stranger to this comminist tournament. His biggest challenge might be having to split the household and deal with #5 on the next lane for the first time in his career.

4) JAMES CICCONE - 138 AVG - The only rookie to captain a team, Ciccone will be bowling for the first time since October's Sweetness Open, the same as Geoff Celis. He also won a medal (silver,) just like Geoff Celis. As much as it would warm our hearts for them to be teamates, this CANNOT HAPPEN. Sorry for yelling. We expect Ciccone to rile up his teamates in an effort to shake the pressure of his first MBA team event.

5) JESS KUHL - 134.3 AVG - Well, look at what we have here. In tournaments past, we would see both Sean and Jess Kuhl secretly handshake in agreement that if either of them took home the hardware it'd be a win / win. I doubt the same will be said this Sunday. The White Russian isn't kept by the winning team, so the name plate on the trophy will be the only thing that lives on. Which Kuhl will have their name on it for a second time after both winning it together in 2014?!

* Tune in this Sunday to find out! 4pm at the Rabs Country Lanes High Rollers Bar! Take a look at the leaderboard below to get a feel of where you might end up on selection bench!


Jan 3, 2016

Wrap Up: Rogers, Derwin SPARE No Expense in Great Divide Win


The article title might not make much sense, but we had puns to SPARE

There is no “I” in “TEAM”, but there is no “WE” either. When players are paired up, more often than not the chemistry ends up being mediocre at best. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE ARE GOING FOR.

The Staten Island Chapter’s 2015 Great Divide was no different. Upon pairing, some players awkwardly shook hands with their respective partners, others hugged (and even kissed!) before the games commenced. Keith Paras and Gabriel Reiter were one of the teams that were loudly high fiving and some say even came close to bro-hugging. “You have to be there for your partner when he comes off the lane following a strike or a spare,” Paras said. “When he throws a gutter, that’s when you can give them the cold shoulder – its called tough love.” The duo would end the day with a very respectable 131.5 team average (and a definite bro-hug).

Several complaints were filed with Rabs management regarding Keith Paras' lewd and lascivious behavior with the bowling balls. Mediocre Bowling Association takes this matter seriously and apologizes to anyone on the surrounding lanes offended. Next month, just bro-hugs.

Another team that was making a lot of noise were the (self-dubbed) Sanitation Sensations Dan Derwin and George Karyczak. Both players stayed even-keeled throughout the event. They would throw within 4 pins of each other in BOTH games. “Whatever one of us would throw, the other would follow.” Karyczak said with a pitcher of beer in each hand. “This only backfired when both of us were throwing gutters.”

They're sensational.............

Derwin and Karyczak were confident as the scores were being tallied at the end of the day that their 136.2 team average would hold up as most of the final averages up until then were well below 130. But it was too good to be true, as they say. Kevin Rogers and his consigliore Dave Derwin would finish under the radar with a dynamic 139.2 average. By looking at the box score, most would wonder how a team throwing only TWO strikes in 4 games would be able to win the December Classic. A combined 39 handicap sure does help, but league officials pointed to the combined 17 spares thrown as a team (10 by Derwin himself) as the main culprit of their success. “We had quite a mess to clean up after our first few throws.” Rogers said in a post-game interview at the Nurnberger Bierhalle with (yet another 15-16 Season) trophy proudly in hand. “I had my lefty hook going tonight.” Derwin chimed in, close at hand while downing a tray of victory french fries.

And now these two players, teaming up for the first time, winning their first regular season event, will live in the record books…together…forever.

Speaking of things that last forever, Jen Grunwald got her new ball drilled and
engraved prior to the last event! Isn't it purdy????

Other notables for the evening include:

*Jessica Dillon would not let her pregnancy stand in the way of her quest for victory. Although she ended up bowling by herself in the Great Divide, according to the League rule of not having played yet this season and having an odd number of attendees, she made it clear she was bowling for two. With the assistance of a ball ramp, she made her family proud. “To be honest, I’m upset the league didn’t provide me with the dinosaur model, it has a little bit more pizazz.” Mrs. Dillon said in the locker room. According to sources, the dinosaur ramp was spotted on Lane 3 being used by a bowler named “Mayhem.”

Practicing for when their kid wants to go bowling..."Then I AM getting the dinosaur...for real."

*In the spirit of the holiday season, Rabs Country Lanes’ resident Santa Claus provided all MBA members with 20th Anniversary Rab’s sip cups. While some believe that it was shameless promotion, alley owner Frank Wilkinson claims that gift was 100% well intentioned. “We love having the Mediocre Bowling Association here!” Wilkinson said. “Our hope is that anytime they use the cup in the future, they will drop what they are doing, and go bowling……HERE.” Thanks Rabs!

Back to back Gutter Trash winner Jared Reiter is giving Heather O' Shea
(a.k.a. DJ Gutter Trash) a run for her money 

*It isn’t often than finding a winner for the Gutter Trash is so difficult, but this month 4 people were so bad they tied for the coveted monthly hardware! According to League rules, in the case of a Gutter Trash tie, the winner is whoever throws the least strikes (then least spares, and finally, if needed, has the lowest score). But all that wasn’t necessary as only one contender threw zero strikes and for the second month in a row Jared Reiter walked away with the Gutter Trash victoriously. This entitles him to the use of bumpers in one of his games at the next event, but as he declined to use them this month, we expect a repeat performance at the next event. “If I use the bumpers, how will I qualify for the Gutter Trash again?” Reiter could be heard reasoning to his siblings in the league. You know what? He has a point.

*NEW! Now each month you can download your very own copy of the event scoresheet to see how you did, and also a copy of the Event Leadersheet (which gives you a look at who scored the highest, threw the most strikes, spares, etc). For a look at the Career Event Leadersheet for the event (all time records) you can download that from the Chapter page HERE!




Mar 7, 2015

Wrap Up: Eadicicco Finally Wins An Event On His Own, Takes Home The Pour Donny


The winter has been tough, but not any more tough than the competition in the MBA this season. The 2015 TDK was no exception. 22 members showed up, despite the cold, to bring the heat to their final regular season game. As the last chance to bump their average  enough to make it into the top 7 seeds, tension was high and the feeling of camaraderie from the past team events was starting to disappear.

Two players who will face off against each other in the Mediocre Cup Finals
exchange a friendly handshake

Sean Kuhl, who on a regular day is one to watch, was determined to keep his spot in the elite top 7 and proved it with an aggressive first game that, with 6 strikes and 2 spares he ended with a final game score of 191. [quote] But with three games, this event was about stamina and Kuhl couldn't stand the test of time. His second and third games (140 and 92 respectively) gave him a final event average of 141 and no plaque or victory to take home. While he didn’t walk away with a win this event, his event average did earn him the top slot in the Roy L. Munson Chapter Championship next month.

"As long as I have a chance to take home the Munson Cup, that's all that matters." Kuhl was heard telling the checkout girl through the Tim Horton’s drive thru intercom.

Joe Tavalare on Lane 26, meanwhile, has shown this season that he's no sleeper. While he hasn't walked away with a win, his spot the morning of the event as #13 on the leaderboard kept him on the radar throughout the TDK. This event was no exception - he consistently dominated in all three games with a 146, 134 and finishing strong with a 182 in game 3 for an event of 154. This event play boosted his season average 10 points and to the #5 spot on the leaderboard, the highest of any new members. “He played an extremely competitive season. I had no idea when I signed him up drunkenly at Mother Pugs he’d end up winning the Rookie of the Year award.” Matt Meinzer told press after the TDK’s conclusion. “He still owes me $35 for signing him up…where is he?”

But it wasn't just the dominant players who had luck. After a dismal first event (71) and a series of mediocre games, Todd Currier had a triumphant return this event. "I’m bowling so great, I might actually win one." So well, in fact, that in an unprecedented twist, though wrestling began at 7 EST, Currier stayed at the lanes to see his games through. Even lane-mates were floored as to the phenomenon. Mark Eadicicco, who was bowling for his life, saw Todd as his closest competition and couldn't believe it "Up is down, black is white...Todd's the best bowler...What's going on here?" Mark Eadicicco was heard saying while licking nacho cheese off his finger between throws.

The topic of the Top 7 was discussed all around. With so many of the MBA’s biggest competitors missing from the final regular season event, due to work, vacation or laziness, hopefuls just out of reach strategized how well they'd have to do to break into the upper crust. "I just don't want to bowl so badly that I kick myself out of the Top 7." Jess Kuhl, who made it to the #6 spot during the Caucasian, was quoted. Unfortunately her performance during the TDK dropped her just out of her clinched seed to #8 and she’ll need to root for someone above her not to show next month to contend. "I think I can make it to the top, I just need to average about a 275 today..." John Esposito was overheard saying while wearing a sporty headband. His final average for the day was a 119.3, dropping him to #35 on the final leaderboard.

"It's a manband and it's going to help me dominate the competition." 

In the end, it was Eadicicco with an impressive 169.3 event average, taking home the hardware. For his third event in a row, he walked away with a victory. "Those lasts two events I won as part of teams, but no one can accuse me of riding coattails today! I'm the champion and everyone better goddamn recognize." This event puts Eadicicco at #4 on the leaderboard and well placed to continue his winning streak with the ultimate honor. Well have to wait till the Playoffs to find out who takes home the most coveted of all the MBA hardware, tune in next month!

Christopher Fers is thrilled to win the event's Gutter Trash Award. Fers would finish 1st in the gutters category with an impressive 39 in his inaugural season.

Other notables for the event include:

*It took until the last regular season game for the new MBA rule 35A-5b to be enacted. Any Gutter Trash Award recipient may use bumpers for one full game in the following event. Phil Cadaver, who "won" the Gutter Trash Award during last months Caucasian Open was in attendance and, though he had to be explained the premise several times ("Wait...what are bumpers?"), was able to use his gutters for his third TDK game, resulting in a 127. "I'd like to thanks Melissa Roche for encouraging me to use my bumpers on my last game today when I'd be most drunk…I mean, fatigued. I forgot to add them till the third frame, but still it helped!"

Time out during the TDK to honor last months winners: Team Pinpals with the annual plaque pressing ceremony by Justin "Competitive" Krstinic and teammate Melissa Roche

*Justin Krstinic spent the duration of the event tracking throws in hopes of finishing the season with the most spares for the second year in a row. But the third game his intensity was so palpable he began to question his competitiveness. "I want to be less competitive, this is like a disease." Justin mentioned to Maggi Weaver while aggressively calculating strikes, spares and gutters on scratch paper. Before leaving he requested to league reporters "Please don't write about how competitive I am in the article...I need help." Justin will be pleased to know that with 36 he tied for most spares with Mark Eadicicco and Kevin Rogers this season.

"Can someone bring me a large chili from Wendy's? I need to be in my happy place right now" - 
Mediocre Bowling Association Co-Founder, Daniel Derwin

*With his work schedule so demanding, and in the wake of a nervous breakdown, Dan Derwin opted to spend the day at home in a pillow fort rather than attend the event. This left the hosting of the TDK squarely on co-founder Hillary Scott's shoulders and other League Officials attending the event. "These events practically run themselves by now, on pure steam and alcohol...if Derwin is having a snow-ver reaction  about his work schedule, we’ve got it covered," League Official Keith Paras was quoted via Skype while drinking out of a coconut on the beach of Costa Rica. "Pura Vida!" In the wake of the event, Scott went on record demanding a 30% pay increase for her trouble. "Fine," Derwin responded, "30% of $0 is still $0."

*Matthew Meinzer would be the last one to win the Dude Award this season, with a final event average of 124.6 (closest to the median of 127.7). He becomes the 5th and final competitor in next month's inaugural Mediocre Cup Finals. These 5 players will first participate in the Honorable Munson Wildcard game to try their hand advancing to the 8th seed of the Roy L. Munson Chapter Championship. If any of them win the Honorable Munson, it will be a hard decision as to which fate they choose to embark on: facing off for the Munson Cup or trying to claim their destiny as the Champion of the Most Mediocre. Both the Honorable Munson and Mediocre Cup Final will take place as one-game elimination events next event.


Nov 2, 2014

Wrap Up: Felitti Takes Home His FIRST Sweetness Open Medal (Get it?)


The 3rd annual Sweetness Open took place on another beautiful almost-Fall day. With 53 total members this year, including 18 rookies playing for keeps, this season promises to be another unpredictable year for the Staten Island Chapter of the Mediocre Bowling Association. For the first event, 37 players would suit up in hopes of taking home the coveted medals for the three highest averages of the day. Veteran members stretched and strutted the lanes getting ready to dominate, while rookies looked on with nervous anticipation wondering “We paid for this?”

Through the countless pitchers of beer, league officials would watch promising good and bad things unfolding quickly for several players. Sara Frank would finish her first game with a 171 while the ivory to her ebony, Maggi Weaver, would finish her first game with a 144. “If I bowl well, so will she.” Frank said while hearts visibly hovered above her head. On the other side of the spectrum, the biggest story in Game 1 would be Todd Currier. Normally hovering around the 85-100 mark, Currier would finish with a handicapped score of 70 (43 without.) “I don’t know what the hell happened.” He quipped to the media via Facetime. “The ‘White Devil’ wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do, as usual,” he said referring to his bowling ball. This would be the only game that he and newcomer Jen Carlo would participate in, for undisclosed reasons. Several anonymous sources later reported the two were spotted at a dance party in the Wendy’s parking lot getting down to the lyrical stylings of OMC’s “How Bizarre”, but this was never confirmed.

New Member Amy Kitchen is introduced to "Patty Animal" who would finish in first place at the Sweetness Open

Game 2 had a few players bowling pretty great, veterans and rookies alike. Dave Derwin 164, Keith Paras 161, Joe Tavalare 164, Jen Grunwald 121, to name a few. At this point, Paras started keeping an eye on everybody’s screen to make sure that he could stay afloat. “I’d almost rather fall behind right out of the gate than have to worry about doing this mental math the whole event” he said between lotto scratches.

In true MBA fashion, by the time Game 3 reared its ugly head those who were the drunkest begin to bowl like shit and those who got off to a rough start began to pick up steam. Mike Dillon who bowled a respectable but pedestrian 113 and 129 in Games 1 & 2 respectively, bowled a 179 in Game 3 for a total average of 140.3. Tavalare, who had a solid start, would finish with a 73 in his final game. “Nobody told me this would be hard.” He said to the MBA Rookie Panel after the match. “I’ll see what adjustments I can make for the future events…it will be easier when I have a handicap, too.”

As of now, league officials can confirm that Keith Paras "hasn't won yet."

When the smoke cleared, the winners of the Sweetness Open’s ribbons would emerge. Pat Felitti, who attended only 1 game last season thus granted a generous handicap, would finish with a final average of 155 taking home the 1st place ribbon. “I don’t give a shit about the handicap.” Felitti said. “I would have beaten everybody without it.” (League mathematicians would later dispute this claim) Justin Krstinic, last year’s Munson Cup Champion, took home the 2nd place medal for the second year in a row. Mike Dillon, who has developed a pattern of coming in after Krstinic, would take home the 3rd place medal. With these awards they become the first players to place twice in the Sweetness Open, Krstinic’s wins being back to back years and Dillon recalling former glory from the inaugural season.

Two out of the three Sweetness Open finalists pictured above. Third place winner Mike Dillon was elsewhere throwing a sandbag into another bowler's french fries.

They can continue the arguing next month during the 2014 Knock’em Back Masters, when players, old and new, will all be assigned handicaps based on the base scores from this years premiere event.

Other Notables for the Evening Include:

*Rookie Matt Wilson would take home the first ever “Dude Award” for placing the most mediocre in the Sweetness Open. With a total average of 103.6, Wilson would tie notorious Gutter Trash Award winner Heather O’Shea for the closest score to the mediocre average of 103.8. The 5 strikes Wilson threw to O’Shea’s 0 would be the tie breaker. “Are you kidding me?” O’Shea was overhead yelling out of a speeding car while she littered. Wilson, along with 4 possible future winners, will be able to participate in March’s inaugural Mediocre Cup Final.

*Newcomer Kathleen Houston would win her first ever Gutter Trash Award after throwing an astonishing total of 19 gutters. Throwing 8 in Game in 2, finishing with a final score of 26, would shatter Jessica Manger’s league record of 44 for lowest game ever bowled in the MBA. While Houston would leave before she could be handed her trophy, league officials have high hopes for her dominating this category in future events.




Feb 28, 2014

MBA Announces Top 7 Contenders for Munson Cup

MBA Headquarters - New York, NY

The Mediocre Bowling Association, in conjunction with the Staten Island MBA Chapter, are proud to announce the seeding for the 2014 Roy L. Munson Chapter Championship, which will take place at Showplace Entertainment Center on Sunday March 30th.

The top 7 players will have a buy as they await the conclusion of the Wild Card round, which will be played by the rest of the chapter. The winner of this round will take the 8th seed and play the 1st seed in the championship following the bracket format 1v8, 2v7, 3v6, 4v5.

1) Sean Kuhl (155.5)
2) Geoff Celis (142.2)
3) Jon Marotte (141.1)
4) Mike Dillon (140.5)
5) Dan Derwin (140.1)
6) Justin Krstinic (137.5)
7) Mike Calascibetta (133.6)
8) ???????

The MBA acknowledges that some of the above season ending averages are above the 140 mark. While the league figures out what to do with the rule breakers during the offseason, we encourage you to throw tomatoes, rocks, and knives at those listed above when the games begin.

Hope to see everyone there!